I have been having strange recurring dreams of a round faced boy. The first time I dreamt of him, I was so confused and upset. In the dream, I was in a college dorm room. There were two beds, with identical girls sitting on them. They were thin with short hair, kinda like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. They were nothing like my girls are now, which likely means my kids will rebel against their long wild hair someday. In the dream, I thought, oh, this is college. These are my friends. And in walks the most fabulous young man I have ever ever seen.

He is so lovely, taller than me, confident. He has messy hair and a scruffy round face. He walks in and owns the room and I appreciate this. I feel almost proud of this. This extreme confidence.

Then I notice that my mother is there. This is strange. He walks up to her first and hugs her. This confuses me more. How does this young man know my mother? My first reaction is that he must be my boyfriend. He knows my mother, who else could he be? That this dream is about me in college. But who are the girls?

He looks at me with twinkley eyes and he kisses my cheek. He smells like someone who plays tennis. I take his face in my hands and tell him he smells like a man. To this he laughs big. Then I notice that under his vintage newsboy cap, he has cut his hair. I take it off and comment on it. Not judging, but commenting. He is all laughing eyes, like my grandfather.

He points to the girls on the dorm beds, who are sitting as if in suspended animation and asks, "How are the exchange students?" We are wicked, this is our inside joke about these girls. We are a team against them and this makes him very happy.

In the dream, I love the round faced boy more than anything in the world. The first time I woke from dreaming of him, I was really upset. Was this my boyfriend or my son? Am I old in this dream? Rachel and Anya seem to be about 18, which would make me 48. How strange.

Why do dreams create fully formed people who seem so real that they could actually exist? Do they exist somewhere in the universe? I would be happy just to know he exists somewhere, son, boyfriend, whatever. That he has a loving alternate me. That he is confident and laughs big.