|
« February 2008 |
Main
| April 2008 »
Thanks to Jessica for making me think more about this....
Some people mourn when their kids age. They get upset when they suddenly don't have babies anymore. I understand this a little. Sometimes the girls and I look at pictures from when they were little and I feel a little sad. But I don't really yearn for the old versions like some people do.
I never really thought about having kids. It was never a dream, per say. Sure, when it was time to have kids, we talked about it and I agreed. But it was not this lifelong wish. I think this makes me a better mother. I never ever thought, "Someday someone will love me because they have to, because they need me." I never banked on this. But here I am with two little girls who do love me and do need me and this won't go away when they are 5 or 8 or 20. It will just be different. It will get worse and then better if I am a good mom. I get this. I want my girls to be adults someday. I want them to grow up. I want them to be happy, not helpless babies for the rest of their lives.
The other night, before bed, Anya said, "Mama. Toys aren't real." She was kinda asking me a question, like she knew this to be true, but needed me to confirm. This didn't make me sad. I was so excited for her that she was making these connections. Her ponies are not real. They are plastic, but that it is okay to pretend they are real. We then had a big talk about this, about pretending. She got very excited to talk to me about it, to have her thoughts confirmed. If we can have this conversation at 2-1/2, I can't wait to meet her when she is 8. Of course, I will miss my little Anya, but I would never want to hold her back. To keep her an infant or a toddler forever.
People often tell me that my kids are really advanced for their age. I reply that I don't treat them "their age". I think this is the key, to not let your self worth as a person get wrapped up in your kids. To let them learn and grow and not let your needs or neediness get wrapped up in their progress.
Our Easter Egg Hunt, was more of a gather.
When Rachi saw this picture of Anya she said, "Put it away. Anya is so sad."
Here Rachi is stressed about waiting to get her eggs:
2-1/2 is both a horrible and a wonderful age. I love it and hate it nearly every minute of the day. They seem to be constantly fighting with one another and pushing me to give in all the time. This past week, though, we cut out all sugar from the house. And I have to say that everyone has been much happier. I didn't think it would work that fast, but it has. I mean, Sunday was an overdose of it on Easter, but ever since about Tuesday or so, the girls have been much much more calm. I saw glimpses today of what 3 and 4 may be like. I looked up from what I was doing to see that it was 2pm and I hadn't had to break up any fights all day. Awesome. I feel like I may be turning a corner to something new.
This week the TVZ crew discusses Torchwood's "A Day in the Death" and argues about Lost's "Meet Kevin Johnson." Tina says it is okay to kill to get your kid back, while Chris says murder is bad! The news of the week and an extra discussion about faith and reason in sci-fi television. Our longest episode ever, and some extra funny outtakes after the closing tune, so be sure to listen!
Click here to download the episode.
I got this awesome email from Emily in England this week. I love that she and I have never met, but we seem to be a part of her dream life. It makes me think of the invisible threads connecting us all. The last time she dreamt of us was over a year ago, I think and in that dream, the girls were working on a building with some mice.
hey Tina,
Hope you and the family are well, i have been in Paris for the last three days and i had a weird dream (again) about you and the twins, this time you were normal sized all over except your tummy, it was massive, massive, massive because you were still pregnant with Anya and Rachel even though they are now two or thereabouts. I guess you were like kangaroo or something..you were having a scan and on the screen the girls were there in their jeans and little shoes and cute tops. The doctor said you were a medical miracle because it was the longest ever pregnancy a human had ever had! Anya got out to get some crisps and cokes and then got back in again through what looked like a caesarean scar...it was all very odd but cool
byeeeeee xx
I am having a huge sale in my Etsy shop to get rid of all this stock in my apartment. Making way for new designs, etc. Lots of shirts super cheap, $8-$12. I will be adding new stuff everyday for the next two weeks. So check often to find something just for you!
Shop!
Rachel is always coming up with new ways to use Play Doh. She makes hats and beds and pillows and things for her toys. But today was the best ever. I was sitting at the computer, working, talking to the girls with my back to them and turned around to this:
It was Rachi's project as the blue doh is hers. When I started to praise it, Anya started adding her yellow blobs on.
Ani is smiling, Rachi is still serious about her work.
I loved this. It was so beautiful, turning the wall into something alive, teaming with blue worm creatures. Rachi was very serious about it, where she put the doh, etc. This is part of what I want my kids to be able to do. I want them to see the wall as canvas, anything as canvas. It is completely rad.
Dude, we watch too much TV! And it is all so that you can listen to the best podcast of all time.
With recent episodes of Torchwood and Lost dealing with death, the TVZ team takes a look at death in cult television. Also, shows on the bubble, this week's news, and more!
Listen on the TVZ website!
Television Zombies has a new website! Jeff worked really hard on this and we are so excited about it!
All Zombies are the new Bunnies cards are on sale because Easter is quickly approaching! Check out my Etsy shop.
Our neighbor smokes out her window. The smoke travels a little path directly to our windows. We don't notice it until it is too late and we are head ache-y and cough-y and sore throat-y.
My girls have asthma. This means that this attack from the girl next store is a big deal. This means they will have asthma attacks in the middle of the night while they sleep. This means they have to sleep with us so that we hear them. This means that we are all in one big bed and we are not comfortable. This means that we do not sleep well. I could go on and on. The winter was fine because we didn't open the windows, but with spring coming, we are noticing it.
I put a note under her door a few weeks ago. We thought she had stopped. But today I was feeling sick and Rachi was rubbing her eyes and Jeff came in to say that the neighbor was smoking out her window again.
I wonder if smokers feel this bad all the time. Like irritable and scratchy throat and head ache-y? If they do, they must be the most miserable people on the planet.
When I was 5, I watched an EMT put one of those hole things in my maternal grandmother's throat. She was a smoker and miserable. I remember thinking, wow, that is dumb, hurting yourself like that. But it was the 70's and she was a poor old woman. Our neighbor is young and lives in the future. So I wonder what her excuse is. I am sorry, but whatever it is, I feel no sympathy. She is pathetic for being addicted to something so disgusting.
So, I put a new note on her door, asking her to please stop harming us. Will see how much of a bad guy she really is. It is likely that someone else will have to deal with her for us. Unfortunately, it is not illegal in DC to smoke in your apartment. I could take my kids to bar and be smoke-free there, though. Perhaps we will go sleep at a bar.
For now, we close all the windows. We shut out the coming spring.
This week, the TVZ team is underwhelmed by Lost's "The Other Woman," but is blown away by the Sarah Connor finale. In addition, they address the Buffy controversy, time travel on Lost and Sarah Connor, the news of the week and Tina's secret crush on Benjamin Linus!
Download the show!
>> photo by Valerie Dryden.
This is how I feel almost every minute of every day. Torn and pulled in many directions.
Yesterday, on the swings.
"No sharing mama today." - Rachel
"I wish we could have two mommies. One for me and one for Anya." - Rachel
"Who would get me?" - Tina
"I would get you. Get a new mommy for Anya." - Rachel
"We could make two Tinas. One for both of us." - Anya
The current sadness of being a twin and 2-1/2.
Just a note that I have begun to blog at the Crafty Bastards blog more regularly. Check it out for news on shows to apply for (including local to DC), Etsy tips, indie craft marketing advice and product spotlights. There should be something new and interesting to the indie craft world there every day!
we are growing into lady-people who wear fashiony coats and like ponies. we are blue-eyed and windy and talk about mysteries and secrets. we sit next to each other in our new stroller, side by side touching each other's hair. we love to whisper and yell and talk about being mad. we tell mama about nightmares where little, but also big chickens are chasing us. we call ham, "sam." we love to say hello to shadows as if they are special creatures who we only rarely connect with.
This week, the TVZ team discusses "The Constant," the new episode of Lost that many view as a major turning point for the show. In addition, Jonah is welcomed as a permanent member of the cast, the news of the week is discussed, and the TVZ team takes a look at new episodes of Torchwood and the penultimate episode of Sarah Connor.
Click here to download the episode
|
Copyright © 2005, Tina Henry-Barrus, all rights reserved.
Design by Jeff Barrus, 2005. |
|
|
