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I have begun to nightmare again after many many years of no nightmare activity at all. This explains my lack of blogging somewhat. I find that when I am in this mode in life, I am more tired than usual and things like writing down my feelings become more and more difficult.
At the end of the 90's, when I decided to change my life and become this current me, I was plagued with nightmares. I lived in the horrible suburbs and drove a car everywhere and weighed over 300 pounds. My dreams were filled with me driving over a cliff or spinning out of control or just falling and falling and falling. It was terrible. So I did something.
When I started losing weight and making art, my dreams changed. I dreamt of old friends and new possibilities. I saw things that would be become my new life. A life of friends who make things and shows were we sell these things at. It is pretty amazing how accurate they are now that I go back and read the old blog entries from those days. These days were rad, imagining a new future for myself. No more falling. A blog entry from November 4, 2004. The description of the museum reminds me of Crafty Bastards:
I love dreaming. I love the nonsense of it. Last night, I ran into an old friend in an art museum that was filled like a thrift store, all jumbled in piles. The art was my own and my friends' and then other things like smiles and regular things like shoes. Anyway, the old friend was Andy Smrz. Where are you Andy Smrz? Andy was talking nonstop because we hadn't seen each other in years and years and I was trying to keep up with him and the art at the same time. Then I told him the story of the time in college when we used to drive to school together, which I think was only a very short time. And one time he got the flu and I had to take care of him, which I am not even sure is true in the real world. Then Andy tried to record everything I was saying on this big platter of cotton candy. But the sound kept falling off because cotton candy isn't very sturdy. If you are reading this and know Andy Smrz, tell him I am dreaming of him and cotton candy.
When I was pregnant, I would dream and dream, but never nightmare. I was growing babies and this was magical and my dreams were filled of future scenes of the strange creatures inside of me, of their soft baby heads and waiting in line for school and falling in love with tattooed boys. I was living their lives in my sleep and this was tremendous and some of the best sleep times of my life.
Then I didn't dream at all for two years. I never slept for long enough to dream, up feeding babies or with sick kids or just working. If you don't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time, it is hard to have a dream life.
But recently, I have been finding myself giving in and going to bed before midnight, even though my work isn't done or the house is a mess or I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I just give in and go to sleep and then the nightmares begin. In one recent dream, Jeff and I just drive into the ocean. I tell him we should get out of the car, that we can just walk away from it, but he wants to save the car and then we are under the water. In another, I am trying to save the girls from crazy men with big eyes who are really creepy. In another, Rachel falls down a tunnel at the Metro and strangers in white coats have to save her. And there are the driving off the cliff dreams from before. An old foe they are.
I am not writing this so you will worry about me. I am writing this so that I can figure out how to make it stop. I truly believe that for some people dreams are a good indication of what is really going on in their life. In my life, I press on. Every day. On and on and on. Like the dream when Jeff and I drive into the ocean. I try to save the damn car, and drown, when I should just let it drift away and remember that living is more important. My dreams are telling me that my stress levels are becoming toxic. That I need to take a step back. That I do too much and not enough. That I am not balanced. That I need to find this balance.
I look forward to making these nightmares go away and thus making my waking life easier. I don't know how I will do this, but at least I am writing it down now. This is the first step. Perhaps I will blog the nightmares away.
I will be selling my stuff Zombie Valentines Sunday at this event!
Crafts
& Kisses Valentine Craft Fair
Sunday, February 3, 12 noon to 5 pm
Josephine Butler Parks Center
2437 15th Street NW
http://craftsandkisses.com
What: 40 crafters selling
unusual handmade items and special gifts, including handknit and screenprinted
apparel for men/women/kiddies, jewelry, cards, handmade books, valentines, soap
and skincare products, handbags, handspun wool, pillows, pottery, and other
items for walls/homes/wardrobes/bodies/brains/hearts.
What else: Music, treats
to eat and drink, a kissing booth, goodie bags to the first 50 visitors, and
more!
Sponsored in part by BUST
magazine and the Washington City Paper.
Television Zombies, Episode 24: Sarah Connor 2.0
This week, the group discusses news from Lost, strike-era Leno versus strike-era Letterman, the surprise upset People’s Choice winner for best Sci-fi show and Heroes volume 3 rumors. With the long-awaited launch of Sarah Connor, the gang compares the original pilot to the broadcast version and discusses the potential of the new show. All this, plus Tina asks if television now trumps film, and Chris examines the dangers of mixing Sparks, beer and Mountain Dew.
Click here to download the episode.
Here we are at the CCfest this weekend:
>>> Photo by Valerie Dryden
From left to right, Chris, Jeff, Jake and me pretending to slap Chris. :)
Don't forget to check out the Counter Culture Festival this Saturday at Dr. Dremo's. The Washington Post mentioned me in their review of the event! My new zombie valentines are here and so cute!
Details
4-8 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 19
Dr. Dremo's Taphouse
2001 Clarendon Blvd.
Arlington, VA
• Information: 703-528-4660
• Price: Free
Editorial Review
Readers of this column and the Going Out Gurus blog may be getting their fill of items about the closing of Dr. Dremo's, but since the Arlington institution is closing on Jan. 27, you won't have to hear about it much longer. Saturday is the annual Counter Culture Festival, which combines a craft market, local clothing designers, authors, comic book artists and other creative types with live music and a sideshow. You can browse Tina Seamonster's awesome notecards and shirts and then see carnies hammer nails into their noses and walk on glass, or pick up one of Beth Baldwin's funky stuffed animals for your girlfriend before rocking out to the reggae band Lucky Dub (listen) or one of six other acts. Admission is free. The market runs from 4 to 8, and the performances start at 8.
-- Fritz Hahn (January 2008)
This is from last week... I always forget to post these!
Television Zombies, Episode 23: The Year’s Best TV is Inside All of Us
This week, the full team returns to discuss their favorite shows of 2007, as well as their greatest disappointments. Also, a discussion on which generous corporation the gang may want to beg for sponsorship. All this, plus the week’s news!
Click here to download the episode.
In other news, I am down 6 of the 10 holiday pounds that i gained. Whoohoo! Thank you Lean Pockets and strawberries and Diet Cherry Coke. The ticker will start again later this week!
Scottbmotorbike and I have been working hard on new things. I am excited every time I get a new email from him. There are two new cards in my shop right now and a third is on the way.
It is funny that I make cards because I don't send them. Isn't that weird. I just know there are so many people like me who would send cards if they could find some cool ones.
Here are some new things:
In other news, Rachel has a hernia and will need an operation to fix it. More on this later. I have lost 5 of the 10 pounds that I gained. And I totally hate Hillary Clinton. She is a fake crybaby and I don't know how anyone could have thought that crap was real. God, I hope she loses big.
>>>photo by Valerie Dryden<<<
If you just read my blog, you would think the only thing I have been doing is podcasting about television. Not true!
These past two months I have packed up and sent out an amazing amount of orders (maybe nearly 400!), helped put on a successful holiday show with the Craft Mutiny, started potty training my girls, spent a fun night in the emergency room to learn that Anya has a peanut allergy and last but not least, gained 10 pounds. Yep. 10 pounds. And I have to say that it is heavy. I can feel it everywhere, even in my fingers as I type. I am glad that this time is over. I am looking forward to my 30 points a day and going to the gym every night instead of packing up 12 orders a day. I am looking forward to spending the next few months concentrating on myself rather than others. I totally need this and am going to take it. I am accepting this as my own fault, of course, embracing it. It is the only way to walk past it and beat it and continue to smallen.
I will say, though, that on Xmas morning, I did think of all of the people opening presents that I made. I also often thought about the nearly 2500 people who would get zombie cards this holiday season. This is really rad. This makes me want to make and make and make. I have all of these new ideas swirling around in my head and can't wait to see them come to life. I just want to leave the stress and cookies of the holiday season behind!
This holiday season taught me that I need to be prepared. I need to not get stressed when I can't handle things. Because stress for me equals eating which equals staying fat. Poop on that!!!
Something else we have been doing in the past few months has been getting our picture taken. Lots. Valerie Dryden, a student at the Corcoran School of Art has been taking our picture for her senior thesis since August or so. She has taken over 800 or so photos. I am going to start posting some of them. The one on top of this post is the first. Moments after this was taken, Rachel had an asthma attack and I had to literally run her home to get give her meds (no inhaler yet for someone so small). This photo is totally what my life is like, one minute we are sliding and sunny, the next, racing home with an asthma attack. I am looking forward to this new year being more calm. Will it happen? Unlikely, but I am wishing.
Television Zombies, Episode 22: Casual Zombies
This week, Chris phones in from the magical land of Hawaii to discuss the Doctor Who Christmas Special, “Voyage of the Damned.” Meanwhile back at TVZ HQ, special guest Jonah Sea Knight joins us to discuss his favorite casual and reality shows, including Dog: The Bounty Hunter, Deadliest Catch, Mojo HD and HDNet originals, the WWE and more casual programming. All this, plus more news than we’ve had in a month!
Click here to download the episode
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