Confidence and Great Grandmas
My sister tells me she can't remember me from our childhood. This is something that completely floors me. How could this be? She does remember the time I saved us from being kidnapped. I am glad that she remembers this because it is one of my greatest accomplishments. I wonder sometimes if this one act of bravery at 7 or 8 years old is what gives me the strange uber-confidence that I have. I remember being so afraid that day. I wonder if certain moments of extreme fear in life can do this to you. Like why aren't all women more confident after giving birth?
I wonder a lot about the self-confidence issue during my trip to New York for the Bust Craftacular. How does one get it and how do they keep it and where does it come from and how can mine be so absolute in certain situations and a little iffy in others?
I am watching my friend Beth Magie DC's table at the show when I start up a conversation with a girl in a grandma coat. I tell her I like her coat because it reminds me of my grandma. She tells me it my be her grandma's coat. I wish I knew where my grandma's clothes went when she went to the nursing home, I think. I talk some more with this Grandma Coat Girl about how none of us will be Great Grandmothers in the future. I don't mean really good grandmas, but I mean, Great Grandmas. I had two when I was little, we called one of them Old Ma. They were very special to me. Earlier in the bathroom at the Metropolitan Pavilion, I saw my grandma in the mirror when I was washing my hands. My hair was in this big loose bun in the back and there she was so very clearly in my face. This put grandmas on my mind, I guess. So I say to the Grandma Coat Girl that we won't be Great Grandmas anymore because we are having children so old and there just won't be time in our lives for us to see so many generations. She suggests that perhaps we will live longer and thus my theory is wrong. I say that I don't want to live that long and be old for so long. I so am not happy that some day I might get very old. This is an interesting conversation to be having with a stranger at a booth that isn't mine. It is funny and strange, like I had known her for a very long time. She is a very pretty girl with a soft voice and kind smile and I start to wonder who she is. She asks me about my creations, which are really Beth's and this is when I explain that I am actually Tina Seamonster and these aren't mine, but Beth's and I make other stuff and I point across the room. And then the Grandma Coat Girl surprises me by telling me she is someone unexpected. Jenny Harada!, a total hero to me in the world of indie craft and here I was blabbing nonsense of grandmas to her. There is some confusion about whether or not we have actually met or just know things about the other through my ordering from her and blogs and being in the same place at the same time. And it is a really wonderful conversation and I think about how I never would have had it if I had not been confident enough to.
There are more stories to tell about the Bust show... more tomorrow.