So, week one on Weight Watchers online and I am 2 pounds down. I did really well until Saturday when Doug came to visit and we ate too much sushi. I guess it is better than eating too much cake.

I am adjusting really well mostly because my meals have been WW meals mostly for the past 6 months, the problem was that I was eating between meals. I have completely cut this out except for grapes at night. Those are gone this week. I also need to increase my water intake. I actually measured and ate only a cup of cooked angel hair pasta to night. 1 cup of pasta is actually a lot!

Something I have been thinking about and just wrote to someone in an email:

Once we have lost 80 or 100 pounds... we become this person who CAN lose weight. This person who HAS lost weight. And yet we walk around still fat or fat again because of pregnancy or time or whatever reason. And we want to explain to people, "But this is thinner for me. But I can be fatter! But I am trying. But, don't look at me and think, how could you be fatter than this?!"

Have you gone through this feeling? Once you lose weight, you DO become a new person or perhaps unearth a person long forgotten or abandoned. And if you gain weight back, you are still this new person inside. I am right now almost the weight I was when I lost weight the first time, before I got pregnant. I remember thinking this was soooo thin. It was compared to the original 300 pounds, but it is still really fat. I have figured this out this time. And this is totally ok.

I am seeing a smaller me in distorted mirrors on my walks. She is a future me, peeking at me from a soon time. A time so soon I can taste it. I am looking forward to her like a long deserved vacation.