Something has really been making me angry lately and I am having a hard time containing this anger. I rarely feel this way, must vent a bit. Ok, I have recently found a chat on a website that I use often, I won't say which one because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Anyway, in this chat room, I often meet really interesting people. But I am also coming into contact with extremely normal women. This is fine, whatever, I am far from normal and know this and have found myself many many times feeling uncomfortable around people who aren't open minded, etc. I often have to hold my tongue when people stop to pray before a meal or talk about "weirdos" or assign gender roles, etc. Fine, not everyone thinks the way I do. I understand that.

But there is one topic that I will not hold my tongue on anymore. And that is weight loss. I find that surrounded by "normal" women, the topic of weight loss always comes up. Now these people don't know me, they don't know my story, they don't know what I have done, they don't know what I am currently struggling with. So I sit and listen to how they can't lose weight. Now these are people who are not my friends, so let me preface this with, I love my friends. I love anyone who I know who is struggling with. I don' t want to hurt their feelings, but I am currently ready to tell everyone else what I think. I just had an argument with someone about weightloss. My premise is that anyone can lose weight. ANYONE. This is coming from someone who has done it, is doing it. All you have to do is believe in yourself, get off your ass, put down the candy bar and make a life change.

Too many people are weak, me included. I am weak. I just gained back 2 pounds after a binge-y week. And I am weak and I know this and I just spent this whole day fighting my way out of it. I almost baked a cake. A frelling cake! Instead, I turned off the oven and ate some sorbet. I know this addiction and battle it every day. So, don't tell me that not everyone can lose weight. Don't tell me you need surgery to do it. Don't tell me you tried "enter diet here" for two weeks, went to the gym and then stopped. Don't tell me you have special health problems that make it hard to drop the pounds. The weight is making you sick! You have to make lots of changes. You have to get out of the car and walk somewhere. You have to stop drinking pop and you have to want it. You have to want it more than anything else. You have to deal with your emotional issues and flush the god-damn easter candy and make a commitment to yourself. And if you can't or don't then you are weak. And if you are weak then you have to own that weakness. I am so sick of people not owning up to how amazingly weak they are. I own my weakness everyday. I see her, I know her. I accept her. And she is sick of your whining.

All of this said, I often have good interactions with people who really need and want help. I love this. This helps me in my own journey. This reminds me how much I know and how many tools I have to work with and how far I have come. I remember weighing 300 pounds. I remember being depressed and huge and not wanting to leave the house. I remember not looking in the mirror or getting on a scale for weeks at a time. I know what this is like, but I also know what it is like to win and to have victories and I wish to god that I could communicate this more to people in that horrible situation.

Anyway... I didn't think I would have another emotional place like this. This is good. But I do have to say that I am ready for weight loss to be behind me. I am ready to not have to associate with this anymore.

Ok, sorry if that was adversarial, you can now return to your regulary scheduled positive seamonster.