Too much pasta tonight and not enough water. And I feel heavy. It is frelling cold here and snowing and the girls can't go out, so busy themselves all day taking off their pants and asking for cookies. I give them cheese instead and this seems just as good. We are finally down to one baba a day and the rest of the time, we say, "yummy, wa-ter" when we want something to drink. There is lots of talk of "rats," which is a story for another time. Just wanted let you know that my clones are saying "rat" and "diapie a baby" in their diapers while eating cheese.

I looked at my hollowing out this morning and finally felt done with my current body. Some fat girls hate their bodies and some pretend to love them. I have always been pretty fine with mine, accepting it as mine and not really worrying about it too much. Not worrying about how it looks, but definately hating how it "feels" to be fat. The best thing about dropping pounds is that the feeling of being fat starts to fade. Like you are recovering from some horrible life long ailment that you had learned to live with. This morning, though, I looked down at my legs and hips and extra skin (cause dude, I gave birth to twins!) and thought, "I am done with this body. I don't need her anymore. I am ready for something new." It is like I am processing a very long car trade in. Everytime I eat too much, I am reminded that I need a new body and eating won't get me there. I am no longer "over-eating" which implies emotional eating, but am now just "eating too much" which is about portions.

I am stronger every day. And you have been telling me about your victories and we are all amazing.