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| March 2007 »
Been spending the past two weeks hardly eating anything all week and then eating everything in sight all weekend. So, I have been gaining and dropping the same 2 pounds. This morning, I saw a new number, though:
Whoohoo! Size 22 pants are almost embarassingly falling down.
Our housing news is that we got a two bedroom in our building. The asking price was insane, so I told them what I wanted to pay and they said yes. This was very generous of them. It is still way too much, but we will manage. I know the girls really need a yard, but I opted for the easy down the hall, in the elevator, around the corner move. The new apartment has two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a space for a kitchen table. I am just excited to get my living room and bedroom back, ok, not that I will, but at least the girls will have their own space. We took them down to see it this morning and they were so excited, running from room to room.
It isn't a house with a swingset, but I think another year of city life might be good for all of us.
At 19 months old, we are exploding with words. Some things I have heard the girls say lately include:
"I like cookies" - Anya
"He is MY daddy" - not sure who said this, but it was in response to Jeff picking someone else up.
"Milk, NO waato" - Anya
"Happy Day" - this is part of the theme to Extras.
"Apple juice" - even though they have never had apple juice.
" bra" - everyone, often with a bra on their head
"tattoo" as well as a whole conversation that Rachel had with us that involved both tattoo and Elmo and turned into "Rachi Elmo tattoo".
"Mommy, Totoro, scary" - Rachel
"maa-maa, pop-pop, shiny, britty." as they cycle through the members of my family
And then there is all the talk of rats. Again, this is a story for another time.
Oh and Dora and her map and her friend Tico who only speaks Spanish and Swiper the fox who steals and when he gets caught says, "Oh man". This has led Rachi to say, "oh man" when she wants to watch Dora.
They are also obsessed with taking off their clothes and diapers and wanting to be potty trained. I can't believe that some moms would start this on their own! I am exhausted already without having to sit in the bathroom and watch and wait all day long. And the diapers off and on, off and on. Maybe it is such a pain because I have two, but man, let me keep the diapers for just another few months!
I will be selling my stuffs this Sunday in West Virginia! Do come out if you live near there. Here are the details:
V-Day Bazzar
9am to 1pm
Sunday, Fenruary 25th
War Memorial Buildiing
102 East German Street
Shepherdstown, WV 25443
25% of the proceeds from the sale go to the Shenandoan Women's Center in Martinsburg WV. Their website is http://www.swcinc.org/
I did this two years ago and it is a nice little town and a nice little space, so stop by if you live near there.
My little blog book got it's first review today. The folks over at the Feminist Review had nice things to say, check it out. Their site has lots of other good reading, too.
Another week, another pound gone. I also started walking on the treadmill this week because it is too dreadfully cold to go outside. I walked 1 mile in 23 minutes on Wednesday morning. I go again tonight. We have a tiny "gym" in the basement of our building. No was there when I went, so I am hoping all the rich, gym crazy people in the building actually go to 1 of the 5 real gyms within 3 blocks of the building and that this will just be my gym. The room is a little warm and the tv is always set on FOXnews. What more could I ask for? ;)
I've been 'tagged'! by my friend Rania to do '5 things'.
The rules are as follows:
1. someone tags you,
2. you post five things about yourself that you haven’t already mentioned on your blog,
3. you tag people you’d like to know more about.
This is me as a Brownie. I look like a total jerk and that Sprite is huge. Oh, I am on the left.
1. I got kicked out of girl scouts as a kid. The details of this event are shadowy in my mind. But I think I remember I yelled at the troup leader and used bad language. I didn't like the way she treated her daughter, who was also in the troup. I remember being told to go change out of my uniform because I didn't deserve to wear it. Girl Scouts was rad for me as a kid because I got to see how other people lived. I remember going on a camping trip where the troup leaders made us stuffed peppers for a meal. I couldn't figure out where the meat was and how I was supposed to just eat a pepper.
2. I am a college drop out. This plagued me for the longest time. Crazy bad nightmares about being in class. I was going to school for journalism, had 3 jobs, ran the school magazine, had crazy personal problems that involved boys. I was the first person in my family to go to college, was paying my own way, it was hard. So, in my junior year, I totally had a melt down and dropped out. I am glad I did this. I would not be happy as a journalist. It is an ugly profession in my opinion. I don't believe in working long hours away from my family and as the kind of journalist I wanted to be, I would have had to. I also don't have student loans and everyone always assumes you have finished college anyway.
3. In college I dated a magician. He was other things, too, but how many people can say that?
4. Before I Like Seamonsters, Jeff and I had a record label and a zine. I also used to take pictures of trash and collect old photos of girls with their dogs. I can't believe I spent so much time on these things.
5. With the weight loss, it is becoming more and more obvious that my right boob is way bigger than the left. This is driving me crazy. Seriously, it is like someone else's boob. I look a lot like my greatgrandmother and I wonder alot if she had the same problem. The picture below is of her at 16 or so, and she looks pretty even. Speaking of boobs, for some reason I have started to call the girls, "boobs." I think it is because Anya is always bigger than Rachi. It is like a collective nickname.
Ok! I tag the following people: Matt D., Wendy Circle Circle Dot Dot, Korallin, Suzy Focoloco and Joy Charming Vices.
I don't think I have mentioned our new design. I have just been testing it for a month or so and people seem to dig it. So here he is. This design totally shows how rad my relationship with scottmotorbike is. Scott is my graphic design partner. Together we dream about ghosts and octopi over the internet. We have only met once and that was on vacation in Sue's summer sun. By chance, I learned that Scott was a graphic designer and so I asked him to work with me. Since then, I have been emailing him crazy ideas and then he brings them to life. When Sue (Scott's wife, my friend) saw this design, I hear she said, "That is what Tina would look like as a ghost." Sometimes I email him and say things like, "I want the panda to hug his poo. And I want the poo to look like a Dairy Queen ice cream cone." This is what poor scottmotorbike puts up with.
Anyway... since I had been thinking of, dreaming of and writing about ghosts, I asked him to work on a ghost for me. Our ghost doesn't have a name yet. He is just ghost because someday we will all be him. He is the every ghost. This is at times sad, but mostly should make you happy to be alive.
There are two new designs. I have been framing and selling postcards so far, but now we have refrigerator magnets and some multi colored shirt designs and perhaps coin purses are on the way. I can't wait to start putting this guy on everything.
The second design has text taken from the blog, it says:
"Some day we will all be ghosts.
Let's live now before we can't anymore.
Let's knit a scarf and eat strawberries.
Let's ride the bus and think of the beauty of the lonely.
Let's go now, before we are ghosts."
Like I said, more stuff (like shirts and blank cards) coming soon. For now, you can pick up magnets and framed postcards at my etsy shop.
Extra thanks to scottmotorbike. I wonder if he believes in ghosts.
The Washington CityPaper is putting on a wonderful benefit show for Cal Robbins. Here's the info, tickets are on sale at 5pm Friday and are sure to sell out fast fast. I was honored to be asked to participate (with a hand full of other local indie crafters) in this event. A portion of my sales for the evening will go to Cal and his family.
Thievery Corporation. Head-Roc. Antelope. Indie Crafters. Carpark Records.
Sunday, March 11 at the Black Cat.
Tickets are $15
Washington City Paper presents a benefit show for Callum Robbins, the 1-year-old son of local musicians J. and Janet Robbins (Channels, Jawbox and Burning Airlines).
Cal was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy—a disease that affects the brain's ability to communicate with the voluntary muscles that are used for activities such as crawling, walking, head and neck control, breathing, and swallowing.
100% of ticket sales will go directly to the Robbins' family.
To purchase your tickets, stop by the Black Cat Box Office, call 202-397-SEAT, or go to ticketmaster.com. Tickets go on sale Friday, Feb. 9, at 5 p.m., or without service charge from the Black Cat box office.
Check out the link on the City Paper site here: http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/special/cal_benefit.html.
Please read more about the Robbins' son Cal here: http://www.desotorecords.com/cal/index.shtml
Yesterday and today there is this dull ache of hunger that I can't seem to shake. No food between meals and I am so hungry and disgruntled. I keep thinking that I am only about 15 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight. But I am still hungry and craving things I can't have. I am teaching myself discipline right now. I need this. I feel like I am verging on some new clarity that I can't yet grasp.
I was thinking this morning that this is the only time in my life when this is going to work as well as it is right now. It is midwinter and the girls and I are stuck inside with the cold wind whirling around outside our 7th floor window. I don't drive, so any venturing out would involve freeza girls. So I must eat what is in the house. This might sound sad to all of you who are going to go out and get a burrito for lunch. It is a little sad, but it is also a bit of a detox for me. Poop, now I am thinking of burritos.
Too much pasta tonight and not enough water. And I feel heavy. It is frelling cold here and snowing and the girls can't go out, so busy themselves all day taking off their pants and asking for cookies. I give them cheese instead and this seems just as good. We are finally down to one baba a day and the rest of the time, we say, "yummy, wa-ter" when we want something to drink. There is lots of talk of "rats," which is a story for another time. Just wanted let you know that my clones are saying "rat" and "diapie a baby" in their diapers while eating cheese.
I looked at my hollowing out this morning and finally felt done with my current body. Some fat girls hate their bodies and some pretend to love them. I have always been pretty fine with mine, accepting it as mine and not really worrying about it too much. Not worrying about how it looks, but definately hating how it "feels" to be fat. The best thing about dropping pounds is that the feeling of being fat starts to fade. Like you are recovering from some horrible life long ailment that you had learned to live with. This morning, though, I looked down at my legs and hips and extra skin (cause dude, I gave birth to twins!) and thought, "I am done with this body. I don't need her anymore. I am ready for something new." It is like I am processing a very long car trade in. Everytime I eat too much, I am reminded that I need a new body and eating won't get me there. I am no longer "over-eating" which implies emotional eating, but am now just "eating too much" which is about portions.
I am stronger every day. And you have been telling me about your victories and we are all amazing.
238.5 and I am starting to hollow out a little in my tummy and on my legs. I am recognizing the me from the end of the first Great Smallening again and this is encouraging. I have been very good with the food, ignoring opportunities to over eat and making myself too busy during the day to snack. I also tried this thing for a few days that I heard director David Lynch say in an interview maybe 10 years ago. He said he eats the same thing everyday. This frees up your brain to plan for things other than food. so my days have been filled with wheat chex, peachs, blackberries, hard boiled egg, grilled chicken, wheat pita, feta cheese, pickles, repeat, repeat, re-eat. This makes food less something to look forward to because it won't be a surprise and truly turns food into fuel rather than fun.
I don't really feel like the 238.5 is very stable, that I will perhaps go back up to 239 for the next few days before I find 237. This is how it has been going. And it makes me think of the people who start a "diet" and stop after no change in a month. People need to be more realistic. So, I am about 36 days or so in and I am down 11.5 pounds from start weight, about 15 since Thanksgiving. And this is pretty awesome. And I am starting to get mad at people in my life who can't seem to make this change, too. I hate this phase of life change, the wanting to yell at every other person who is eating too much pizza. But it happens every time with me. I just want to say, "if I can do this, there is no reason that you can't." But it feels mean and self righteous. Maybe in another 30 pounds, I will start the preaching. For now, I am just hollowing out, quietly.
Mom, this is a message to you. Please remember not to leave a whole cake at my house while you are helping watch the girls. I know the cake wasn't for me, but for other girl-watching helpers, but an entire Pineapple Unside Down cake in my fridge becomes breakfast for two days (between Jeff and I). And this isn't helping anyone. So, the weekend found me near cake and tacos. It also left me 2 pounds up to 241. This is ok, this is a learning experience. Not only do cake and tacos not really taste very good. Ok, tacos, yes, tacos are amazing. But they also make your pants not fit. And I love the new feeling of my hip bones better than the taste of cake (sorry Mom).
Lucky for me, I learned from this and didn't let it spiral my ass into full time cake eater territory. I am back down half a pound today (240.5) and hope to be reunited with 239 again soon.
At a doctor's appt this week, my blood pressure was 107/70, which I think is good. All I know is that the last recorded blood pressure was 148/90 and that was the day I gave birth. I always worry that it will be high because I am, well, fat and all. But it seems good. I am a heathly squirrel. Speaking of squirrels. Anya calls them rats. She has this jumper with a squirrel on the front and she loves to tell me it is a rat. We also have some gummy rats that Heidi from My Paper Crane gave me like a year ago that the girls carry around in the package yelling, "rats! rats! rats!". We are city girls.
So, if we are counting and we are. Month one of Great Smallening two and I am 9 pounds down. My doctor's appt also reminded me that I am currently 69! pounds down from the day I gave birth. As my doctor said, "Now that is something!" So, I am half way there on this road to a new me. I hate it when fat people say that losing weight doesn't make them a new person. While I don't feel like a fat person inside, I know I am on the outside and dropping the next 60 pounds is going to make me a new me. And I can't wait because it is better than staying the same old boring you. I sound way too much like an episode of Oprah today. Sorry for the lame lame cheer cheer. But I gotta motivate myself for another day of hunger and waiting for the day that when you leave a cake at my house, I will give it to the neighbor and not eat it for breakfast.
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