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I was such a total spaz about being out the world today that I forgot my own promotion. I learned today at the Counter Culture Fest that sharks are less prone to get cancer than humans. I also gave the girl who told me $1 off her purchase instead of a free item! Why can't I remember these things! And her friend who didn't buy anything didn't get anything free either! So, if you are out there reading this, click the contact button and send me your address so I can send free stuffs. Sorry, I was totally out of it. Next time I have to write my promotions on my hands or something. I actually had my pile of freebes with me and I forgot.
The evening was great and I nearly cleared out all of my zombie stock. I didn't sell the zombie pillows that I made, though. I am secretly happy about this. They will go up in the etsy shop soon.
Shout out to Megan (who i miss terribly), Andrew who makes things with glass, Zombie Boy Eric who along with his girlfriend are delightful (cutest couple on the planet! and I hope he found his robot posters), Dale who's 8 year old is rad cause she worries about zombies, the dad of 13 year old twin girls who totally is the most rad parent i met all night (and has survived), boy who is going to read my book on the plane to Paris ( i hope it isn't too much about pregnancy), and all the other super people I met. And the D.C. Conspiracy folks who set the thing up. Mad props.
This is really what it is all about, these hours and hours of making things. It is about people and meeting them and sharing silliness and randomness. I have been thinking a lot about how I have this brand of sorts. Like I am a brand, not my personal self, but I have this brand-y bubble around all that I do. And how my brand kicks the ass of corporate brands and how even when my stuff is messy and imperfect I can make someone smile. I found that the more polished my items become the less interested people seem in them and how that, too, is rad. I met Beth tonight who sold me a ghost. She said she was selling to get it out of the house to make more. I remember being in that place when I first started all of this. I love that notion that you are selling things because you have too much more in your hands and head to contain. Leading up to shows where I sell stuff, I get all excited about new items and spend all this time making sure I have enough of them in case there is more than one weird person out there who will love it. I feel like my head is full of these that I wanna make just for you. And taking them out into the world lets the you find them. I am just in love with the making of things. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself because it connects me to the world and the people in it.
Just a reminder that I will be selling my stuff here tomorrow:
DC Counter Culture Festival. Saturday, 4 p.m.-midnight. Dr. Dremo's, 2001 Clarendon Blvd., Arlington. Free. 703-528-4660. http://www.drdremo.com.
It is free to get in! I am busy busy making new items to sell. New items! It is safe to say they involve zombies and ghosts. This makes me seem a bit goth when I couldn't be any less goth. Perhaps I am post goth, nah, neither goth nor post goth, just funny. Anyway. Mikey says that saying "seaweed" is old. So a second word to use for free stuff is going to be "shark." I have been thinking of sharks lately. If you tell me what you know abotu sharks, I will give you something free. But I still prefer Seaweed.
Maybe I will post a picture of what I am making later today. Or maybe you will have to come and see me.
It must be just melting away. 239.
Down to 240. Whoohoo. Increased water intake this week must be helping.
After giving up weighing myself for a few days, I went to see my old friend this morning. For the briefest nanosecond, it seemed to stop on 239. But nah, up to 242 she went. This is the fun of a digital scale. It was as if she were showing me my future. I realized that I feel that if I get to 239, I will know that this new journey is for real. That I am truly on the road and won't let anything hold me back. I remember 275 was that number last time. I think of that former me and how crazy commited she was. I remember all the days of eating only a hard boikled egg and a pint of blueberries for lunch. I think of her and she makes me strong because I was her and will be her again.
So a week or so without weight loss and I am re-evaluating my work. I am fully commited at breakfast. I know this. I eat my wheat ceral and peaches and tiny wheat toast. Every morning. I even bought these tiny plates at Ikea. They are kid's plates in rad colors and are about 1/3 the size of a normal plate. I figure if it doesn't fit on the plate, then I can't eat it. I do this for breakfast and lunch. But dinner is my current problem. I was doing well when Jeff would bring Subway home every night, but that was getting expensive. So now I am trying to measure portions for things like pasta and homemade BBQ chicken. I still can't handle that a portion of tater tots is 9 tots. Last night, I counted them out, but added 5 to the 9 because I knew the girls would take at least that many off my plate. Then I noticed that Jeff had given them their own bowls of tots. So there I was with 5 illegal tots. What did I do? I ate them. And I don't even like tater tots. When the portions are controlled in a Subway 6 inch or a Lean Cuisine sandwich, this is much easier. There aren't any illegal tots to eat.
And I cringe when I read what I just wrote. This is a good thing. My opinions of eating and fat people are changing. I truly believe that when fat people say it is ok to be fat they are kidding themselves. And that a good step towards being healthy is accepting that it isn't ok to weigh 242 pounds. And I am totally there. Last night on American Idol, I saw so many overweight people. In the past I would have identified with them, even liked them BECAUSE they were fat. But I just found myself wondering what was wrong with them. What happened to them to make them treat themselves so badly. While it is not socially acceptable for me to judge anyone else, this is a good step in my own personal road to wellness. I am no longer accepting myself as I am, and thus am ready to not be here anymore.
I am finding this second weight loss adventure to be much different from the first. Much harder and much more emotional. Perhaps it is because the easy part (the first 70 pounds) is done and I am really digging deep, getting rid of the oldest fat and thus issues that I have.
Brief mention of I Like Seamonsters in the Washington Post yesterday. It reminded me that I need to promote this event! I will be selling my silliness at the 2nd Annual Counter Culture Festival on Saturday. Here's the info:
DC Counter Culture Festival. Saturday, 4 p.m.-midnight. Dr. Dremo's, 2001 Clarendon Blvd., Arlington. Free. 703-528-4660. http://www.drdremo.com.
I will be selling from 4-8, so stop by and say hi! I am super excited because Jeff is coming with me to this event and we will be leaving the tiny girls with their grandparents.
Anyone who mentions that they heard about the event via my blog will get a free refrigerator magnet. Just say, seaweed.
http://www.dcconspiracy.com/Pics/ccf_01.jpg
I did not weigh myself today. It is starting to feel destructive to do it every day. I might switch to every other day, not sure. I can now actually take off my size 22 pants without unzipping them. I am talented like that. I tried on a pair of 18s, though, and they are so too small. All of the 20s seem to be hiding from me.
20 days in and I am already over things like snacks and pop. I am starting to see food as my enemy, which is the only way to do this. I look at every calorie listing with questioning eyes. Jeff ate a whole thing of Ben and Jerry's ice cream which was over 1000 calories. I didn't even yearn to be part of it. I wondered how he would eat anything else in the day. How it would all fit in his tummy. I do have some food friends, namely tiny pickles and feta cheese. And wheat ceral and pitas. But mostly, it is good to see food as my enemy for now.
I am taking this time, in this first month to get used to and create new rules. New rules for this upcoming week are: 1. drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. 2. No eating after 7 pm. 3. Introduce the treadmill twice a week.
The no eating after 7 is getting me right now. I usually work late into the night on contract projects and often times, blackberry and lemon sorbet are my co-workers. Sorbet is a nice treat with no fat, but reminds me of the old days when I weighed 300 pounds and I would get up and eat in the middle of the night. The first time I did this ( lost the first 70 pounds before getting pregnant with the girls), I actually had to have a rule about NOT eating in the MIDDLE of the night. Thinking about this makes me remember how completely sick I was.
So to recap... rules from before... think about everything that goes into your mouth. Switched from soda to diet, write down what you eat, start with a low fat breakfast. And new rules, water, no eating after 7pm and start moving.
Oh and the best advice ever is , "it is ok to be hungry". Hunger means burning fat. I think of my body eating those nasty fat cells in there. I love that visual. Chomp. Chomp.
The girls are starting to look more and more alike. And their Owen Wilson Lady Hair is at it's peak ladyness. I can't wait for it to get a little longer! Here they are laughing at me from the cabinet. It is strange because they look so similar and yet so different. Anya is the one with the big smile and wider face.
Emily wrote to ask if they know they are identical. Just this morning, Rachi was looking in a mirror and I asked her who that was. She said, "Sissy," and laughed. So perhaps they do know. But I suppose one doesn't really know what one looks like? Rachi does always call her reflection "Sissy," though. Hmm...
Holding steady at 242. My size 22 pants are falling down. I missed that feeling.
Minus one pound. Not super, but it is something.
My web contract work is kicking my ass. Having me work late late into the night. I wouldn't be able to survive without podcasts. Listening to Croncast, Mugglecast, Pottercast, 1Up Yours, Ricky Gervais, Craftlit.
What else should I be listening to?
I take one night off each week to learn to sew. I am not great at it because I am messy. Must learn patience. Been adding new items to my etsy shop.
More later. Girls are sleeping so I gotta work.
I am holding steady at 243. Two weeks and 7 pounds down. Not bad at all. I used the long weekend (long because Jeff had Monday off and we had no plans at all!) to indulge a little. The difference is that I am indulging in sorbet and small bits of cheese now, rather than M&Ms.
Went to bed hungry last night. This is a good sign. I firmly believe that one should go to bed hungry as often as possible. I think it teaches discipline.
I am already seeing some changes in my body. More defined lines on my arms, collar bones, my pants are starting to slip.
I still feel a bit wobbly, like something stressful could push me over the edge back into fat girl behavior. But each day that I see the scale go down or remain the same, I am stronger.
This week I need to increase my water intake. And my strawberry intake. Both are on the agenda.
Still 243 this morning. I had a bad day today, though. It involved little red fish. Oh how the little red fish love to call my name. At least they have no fat, but still. They are red fish all the same.
I am working on a little timeline of my weight loss to remind me of things. My weight loss ticker is so great because it shows me where I am going, but it doesn't remember where I have been. And the reality is that if you look at my weight loss as a whole, I am actually half way there. I started at around 300 pounds in 2003. Lost about 80 pounds, got pregnant, gained it back and am down 60 pounds from there. This is extremely encouraging. When faced with the bag of little red fish, it is easy to forget that you have been a force of nature in the past. It is hard to remember how invincible you can be. It is hard to remember just how fat you once were and how far you have come and how some day, a year from now, you will feel bad for the fat girl eating the little red fish. You will smile, though, and wonder how you were ever that person.
The other day I missed lunch because the girls were crazy. I woke up from our nap at 3pm so hungry. I told my brother, I would either wait til dinner, skipping lunch al together or order a pizza and stop this nonsense. I really was ready to just be fat and call it a wash. Instead, I ate a can of SpaghettiOs. Not the best food when counting points since they are about 12 points per jar. Luckily, Anya woke up and wanted some, then Rachi woke up leaving the SpaghettiOs unguarded. Archie found them, thus cutting my SpaghettiO intake in half. I learned the leason that half a can of SpaghettiOs is enough when one is hungry enough to ruin one's weight loss with a whole pizza.
The scale surprised me this morning with 243. Now this is the lowest I have been since I gave birth, but still about 20 pounds heavier than my great smallening number. I am pleased even though I have to say I have had a miserable week. I already officially hate Subway, but it really is the best tool for weight loss right now, so I suffer through it. So, 7 pounds down and I feel tired and slightly wasted and can't find that extra energy that dropping pounds usually brings.
It is only week two, though. I'd say 50 more and I will be happy I stayed here.
Still 245. I am starting to drag a little and look pale. I assume it is the lack of red meat. Going to go take an iron pill and drink a glass of water. These first two weeks have been miserable. It almost makes me not bare (bare or bear?) the thought of going back now. Like why go through this if it won't get me anywhere? I have been journaling my food in a little silk screened book from goshdarnknit. The last time I did this, I used a web based journal, but this little book seems right for my new life.
Scott and I submitted our new design to Threadless. It is still pending approval. I can't wait to hear! This new design is really close to me. I am close to it. It was scary to submit it somewhere rather than keep it for me. Rather than stay up late with it and me and screens and ink. But I did it. I hope we win! Will reveal it once it is ready for scoring.
It is Tuesday. 245 and hungry.
Two new Threadless shirts that I like:
This captain one freaks me out, though cause I am afraid of cities being underwater and your bedroom underwater is so much worse.
I have retired some designs this year. The first is the old "I Like My Boobs" design. The second is the clone design and the third is the talking animal design. From now on, all of my old designs will be available at my cafepress shop. Cafepress shops are kinda lame, but their stuff looks really great now! Plus you can get designs on all kinda of products and unlike what I handmake, these come out perfectly! I might also try out new designs there, use it as a little testing ground. Everything in the shop right now, though, is totally old and I won't be making anymore.
So check it out:
http://www.cafepress.com/seamonsters
So this morning, I weighed in at 246. Up about 1 pound from yesterday. This is why you should weigh yourself once a week and not once a day! It is still great. So, I am down 4 pounds the first week. Last night Jeff and I were lazy and ordered pizza. I was good and got thin crust, but still ate too much. I felt sick and blah. This is so great! In the past, I would have still been hungry, but last night I felt horrible. Rad. I am learning to eat smaller. I already couldn't imagine going back to the big big eating. Change change. Attitude change is the first step.
Weigh in this morning, 244.5. Now I know why you shouldn't weigh yourself every day. What if, after 7 days of steady smallening, I am suddenly back up tomorrow. I will be so sad! Anyway, I spent some time looking for a weight loss ticker today because I am too lazy to make my own. I might just have to do that because so many of them seem to be about conceiving or holiday weight loss and I am not about either. We need a weight loss ticker for cool people, I think. The closest that I found was this one:
The problem with this is that it says phenforum.com on it. I totally don't approve of weight loss with drugs. I lost 70 pounds last time without any any any weight loss drugs. I don't even approve of "diets". Diets are for weak people who can't change their lives. Weak people who think they can spend a month doing something stupid, drop weight, then go back to being piggies and eating cheese fries. Anyway, I don't approve of this website at all, but will use the ticker until I find a better one. I hacked it and got rid of the actual link, but the words are in the image.
This ticker is really cool, though, because it made me realize that I only need to lose 75 pounds to get to goal weight. Having already dropped the first 70 or so, this is starting to sound easier than I thought. It is like making a return trip. I have already travelled really far!
So, week two starts tomorrow. I have made the transition from regular snacks to sorbet and Snackwell cookies pretty easily. This is amazing because snacks seemed so important a few weeks ago. I like it here right now, but I know at some point these, too, will have to go.
For now, I am rounding up my ticker from .5s. So 5 pounds down, 70 to go. I like having goals. They make life happy and forward-y.
245.5. Same as yesterday. Struggled with eating out with my parents. Got grilled chicken sandwich without the bacon that they wanted to put on it. Girls helped out by taking the fries from my plate. Anya ate my lettuce, though. The best part was it was lunch at 3pm, so not hungry for dinner at all until 11pm and who the hell eats at 11pm?
Successfully went to Target without buying anything bad. I picked up some peach cups for breakfast, wheat bread and Lean Cuisine. SO not the BEST food, but small in points. Target is always good for some sort of big bag of candy. I skipped the isle completely.
Bed time.
I started counting Weight Watcher's points (from memory, haven't rejoined) on January 2. I also started weighing myself every morning. This is a no-no when starting to drop pounds. You really need to just weigh yourself once a week. But for me, I kinda feel like I have messed around with stress eating for the past year that it is time to put myself on notice.
The New Year's weight loss journey is almost Oprah lame. But here I am. December was a crazy busy month for me with lots of shows and so many orders and crazy fast no time to eat. I dropped nearly 7 pounds by the middle of the month. Well, by the end, I felt it all creeping back.
So, for 2007, I will be blogging my weight every day. That is right. Every day. Perhaps I will make some little ticker or something. I kinda feel like this is the only way to keep myself in check, though.
So, Jan. 2, I weighed 249.5 pounds. While this is 60 pounds less than the day I gave birth, I still have such a way to go. I am currently 26 pounds heavier than my pre-baby weight. That is my first goal, to get back there. I remember that weight. I felt so thin and skeleton-y. Could you imagine being 224 pounds and feeling thin? Anyway. I am sick of stress eating and sick of being weak. So here I am.
January 3, after my first day of Lean Cuisine and Subway and nothing in between, I weighed in at 247.5. Two pounds down. That is just insane. January 4, 246.5.
And this morning, after a bing on sorbet last night, 245.5.
The weekend is here and I am worried. My goal is just to see the same number on Monday.
So for now, I will post a little number everyday. There will be a time when something will click and I won't have to watch myself so closely and I can go to weighing in once a week. But for now, this is my new religion. And I have said this too many times and I am nearly tired of myself at this point. But here we go again.
The His Dark Materials books are my favorite of all time. Truly. I think they are also some of the most amazing books for children. They take Narnia and kick it in the ass. That said, I have had some worries about the movie versions. Until now. Aint it cool news has some rad photos up. Take a look. http://www.aintitcool.com/node/31155.
Congrats to Sean of the Craft Mutiny on his gallery show! Check it out:
Worshippers of the Invented Sun
mixed media works by Sean Hennessey
Where -- Touchet Gallery
536 S. Ann Street, in Fells Point Baltimore
410.522.2280
When -- the Opening is January 5, 2007 - 5:00pm- 9:00 PM
Fells Point Art Loop - First Friday!
The Exhibit will be up until February 11. If you are in Balto, check it out.
Just some random photos from the girls' first Christmas. These were all taken at Grandma's house (not in our cluttered, tiny apartment). Did I mention that we have mice? Ok, more on that later.
Outside girls see the moon in the fading afternoon light. They are amazed by this:
This photo also shows off two of the four! wonderful hats sent to us this year by Pagan in New Zealand. I love these.
Double portraits:
Rachi has dogs on her new PJs:
Anya enjoys watching her sister enjoy new zebras from Grandma:
Tired now. I have been blogging too much, like 4 times in two days. Too too much. I hope this will be the year that I write every day. Not sure, though. Sleep now. And dreams.
Tomorrow will be a sunny December day with 50 degree weather. I decided I would walk the girls to the Post office to mail some orders, until I saw this note on the USPS website:
WASHINGTON, DC – There will be no regular mail delivery or retail services at Post Offices on Tuesday, Jan. 2, 2007, as the Postal Service is closing to observe the national day of mourning for President Gerald R. Ford. The decision follows an Executive Order issued by President Bush that independent federal agencies close as a mark of respect for the former president who died Dec. 26. Express Mail deliveries will be made on Jan. 2. Regular retail and delivery service will resume Wednesday, Jan. 3.
This is what I wrote to them in return:
It is just crazy that post offices are closed on Tuesday because of President Ford. No one cares. No one is mourning. He was an old man and barely president. What a waste of time.
Enjoy your day off. Do shed a tear for President Ford. Sure you will.
tina seamonster
A bit harsh, but I love sending crazy emails via comments on web sites. I used to man these kinds of emails as part of my last job. I remember this great email about how teachers at a specific college were witches and were teaching their students to be witches. It was great. I read it to all my co-workers. I loved it.
I hope someone at the USPS reads that email outloud. But really, why do they need a day to "mourn"?
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