statute of limitations
I keep thinking that I am on the brink of some kind of weight loss. That one more day of walking miles in this 105 degree heat is going to push my body to this place where I drop pounds, but then I weigh myself and see 253 and know that I am kidding myself. Last week was great. I dropped 3 pounds and felt that terrible hungry feeling all week. Usually a real weight loss journey begins this way. Hungry for days and then your body gets used to less food.
I need to take my own advice and remember that this is about food, not about exercise. But I am not ready to take this advice yet.
This morning, lumbering to work like a giant panda, I thought about the fact that at least I am 60 pounds less than the day I gave birth. This is of some comfort. Then I thought about how fat people talking about being fat and not getting their asses into gear is tiresome.
The first time I lost the weight, I made many friends on the street because people would watch me shrink over months. I also took note of one guy whose daily route was similar to mine. He, too, was shrinking. I always wanted to talk to him. Encourage him. But he was doing fine on his own and didn’t need me to be one of those people who walk up to you on the street to discuss your body. I knew enough of those people. I saw him this morning. And sadly, I have to say that he has gained weight. He looked like he has gained weight, but hasn’t bought any new clothes. So he is stuffing himself into his old new clothes. I wondered what happened to him to make him take this turn. It isn’t like he got pregnant with twins, I tell myself. To this, I realize that it was a year ago that I gave birth and I am in the same place that I was the day I got home from the hospital. So I don’t really have this as an excuse anymore either. There must be a statute of limitations on this excuse. I say one year is more than fair.
So screw excuses. I don’t want to hear them anymore. It is time to drop these pounds. It is time to find myself under here again. I am an archeologist and I have some bones to unearth.
Comments
I need to lose quite a bit of weight too. I'm down to pre-preg weight, but with all of the bedrest I know that I have mucho more fat and a lot less muscle than before I got preg, so the scale doesn't mean much. I have a very, very hard time with food. I want to eat in response to stress and loneliness (and with twins there are plenty of reasons to be stressed). I think it's much easier to over-eat now that I'm staying at home with them and within a few feet of the kitchen all day long. I work-out almost every morning, and I haven't lost any weight. It scares me how much I might weigh if I didn't burn those calories walking. I feel your pain, I certainly do... Just this morning I looked at myself from behind using a hand mirror and a larger mirror. It scared me. I have such a distorted view of myself that every once in a while I have to take a step back and try to see myself as others do, and it's pretty clear from the mirror view that I am showing every bit of my over 200 pounds. I don't know how I ever got to the place where I thought I could hide it. My mind is trying to shelter me from my reality. What I need is to see myself for what I am each and every time I go to the kitchen. To this you probably wonder why I don't keep just healthy things at home. That's what I do. No binge eating on ice cream here. I over-eat healthy foods. It's all about calories- healthy or not. Good luck with your journey. I'll be on one of my own. Know that somewhere someone else is walking next to you.
Posted by: Jen | August 3, 2006 2:11 PM
Hi Jen, I'm always on the site because i love reading about Tina and Jeff and Rachel and Anya and obviously I came across your post. Really, really good luck with the weight losing thing, i'll be thinking about you :)
Posted by: Emily | August 4, 2006 11:51 AM
jen, i am thinking of setting up a 1-800 number that people can call when they are upset about food. you will call it and i will tell you to put down the snickers. :)
you will be ok. email me if you wanna talk more. be buddies or something.
Posted by: tina the seamonster | August 4, 2006 12:55 PM