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Friday night, we took the girls to our apartment lobby to visit the doorman, Adisu. The girls stayed home with me because they had been sick the day before and missed visiting Adisu. They like him.
Birthday cupcakes ended up in their eyes. Here is the calm before the storm:
Thought I would let the girls look at all of their birthday cards:
And here are the 600! diapers that we got from my Aunt Theresa and Uncle Mike. Actually 480 from them and 120 from my sister. I think these should last about 2 months.
We survived. We are one year old. Today we will have a big party to celebrate. I know we are celebrating the girls' first birthday, but inside I am celebrating Jeff and I. Victory!
Some people make decisions and they change their lives. Some people sit back and make as few decisions/changes as possible and this makes things stay the same. I used to be the sitter. I used to sit back and gain weight and work at the same place and not get pregnant with twins and basically wait for life to happen to me. I did this through my whole 20s. This was an easy life. But at around 30 something happened to me and I got this action bug and I have been taking my life into my own hands and moving forward and making things change.
Some changes have been out of my control. Twins for example. I could have never forseen this. I would have never imagined it. This is an example of new action Tina going in a direction I didn't imagine. This has been both wonderful and horrible at times, but in the end is a little more than wonderful because I couldn't imagine only having one child now.
Since I became this crazy decision maker a few years ago, my new motto became, "everything will always be just fine." This was true after the girls were born and my old job wasn't right anymore so I looked for a new one. I found said new one, thankfully and it has been just fine. No, it has been more than fine. It has been great. The people at my new job are so wonderful and nice and have taught me that no matter where you go in life if you take a positive attitude with you, people will respond in kind. The old me who let life happen to her would have thought that was hella lame.
There was something nagging at me, though. Something that I couldn't shake. I would sit here at work thinking of the girls. Every month, I would write the check to daycare and think about how much of my salary it was. I have never been the kind of person to care about a career, etc, so why was I worrying about it now. If I could only find a way to make that extra 3rd of my salary that daycare didn't eat up, I could stay at home with my girls.
So a few weeks ago, I did it. I just went into my boss's office and just asked. And today I was signing a contract to do 15 hours a week of contract work from home. It is a bold move that might make our financial life a little more stressful at first until I see how fast I get paid, etc. But it will free up my days to be a mom. Can you imagine that 50 years ago, women were hoping to find a way to NOT be home with their children. And here I am trying to figure out how to stay home? Isn't it true that we always want what we cannot have?
When thinking about this new decision, I have actually wondered if I am being selfish. I have wondered if in fact daycare would be better for the girls. I still wonder this. I wonder if they will miss being in a big group of kids and playing all day. I wonder if they will miss the structure of the daycare center. I wonder if I will do a better job than the teachers at daycare do. Because we have had some amazing teachers at our daycare center. I mean, really, they have taught me everything that I know. To this, Jeff says, "you are their mother." This is so strange to me because while I understand this in many ways, I still worry that I am being selfish in wanting to be home with them. I worry that I am retreating somehow. Retreating from the adult world of work. Retreating from 9 to 5. I worry that this is more for me than for them. This is risky, mostly financially. But it was a risk I thought I shoudl take. Where are we without risks?
Then there is going to be this new reality. The reality of being home with them. The reality of being a full time mom. Plus having to work 3 hours a day for my current job. I am already starting to plan my Septemeber days, ambitious things like going to the zoo and the playground and maybe even relearning to drive. Sometimes I think about how wonderful it will be to take the girls to the art gallery, but other times I think about how hard it is going to be to get them there on the metro or comfort them both when it is nap time and we are stuck somewhere weird downtown and home is miles away. This is going to be a hell of a challenge. Was this where this path was leading me all along?
So my secret is that I am going to be a full time mom. And I made it happen. And I worry it is more for me than for them. But I also see the potential for even more change this brings me. I see more time for projects and more time for fun and more time to help shape who the girls become. I know this being home isn't for everyone, hell I didn't think it was for me until very recently. But here I am and here are my fears and my change and my new adventures.
I have somehow had some time to silk screen a few new shirts. At one point, I actually had Anya in her highchair next to me while I did them. This was a really smart way to do it, actually, as she was excited to be in her high chair somewhere new. Rachel was playing Halo 2 with Jeff, I think. Anyway, there is a big crop of new clone and octo shirts both in my etsy shop and the regular shop. If you don't see a size that you are looking for, email me (new email address tinatheseamonster@gmail.com). I have lots of that sage green almost done in many sizes. Check them out:
tinaseamonster.etsy.com
regular shop
Oh and I have a few international orders sitting here waiting. I haven't been to the post office because of this heat wave, so they will be on their way this week.
Jeff and Jake's comic book got reviewed at www.aintitcool.com. We are so excited. Here's the review:
THE ALBERIC HERESIES #1
www.albericheresies.com
I’m always a sucker for conspiracy books and this one is pretty cool. DAVINCI CODE-breakers and fans of Valiant’s old ETERNAL WARRIOR comic should definitely take notice of this book which focuses on a mystery that spans centuries involving an immortal man, an angel trapped inside his head, a librarian, and a government trying to shut them all up. This issue offers enough interesting quizzicals to prompt me to seek out a second issue. The black and white artwork also adds a nice moody and foreboding feel to the book. - Ambush Bug
Or you can see it for yourself here.
How frelling rad is that?
It is Tuesday and it is hot as hell. I am a positive shakey ball of energy in my pink skirt that looks like curtains complete with the puff balls along the bottom. Do you remember when your best friend in the 6th grade's family room was all done up in red and black with bull fighters on the wall? And their hats, the bull fighters' hats, were complete with round puffy balls dangling off the brims? Do you remember? Anyway, that is what this skirt reminds me of, except no bull fighters.
My legs are a blank canvas under this pink curtain skirt. And I am envisioning a life-like octopus all purple and tentacles on this canvas.
I have been thinking of new things to make and something came to me this morning, finally the cover to the little book I am printing came to me. It is magic when your mind gives you the answer to these things. I love that. I just want to go home right now and set up and take the photo.
I am still in secret mode, but I hope to be able to talk about my secret by the end of the week.
Here are some new photos of the girls:
Anya is a big big laugher:
Rachi is a big big reader:
The girls have discovered the art on the walls. Last night, Anya did the rounds of pointing and Oooohing at everything. Rachi followed along. They particularly like this Yoshitomo Nara poster. Perhaps it is because it on their level or because it is a big girl head or maybe they just have awesome taste. Anya kept trying to kiss this one and pointed at it like this:
Jeff and I are planning a trip to the portrait gallery here since it just reopened. Hopefully it will have some interesting stuff and not just super old paintings of Napoleon.
A few weeks ago, Jeff, the girls and I met up with Heidi Mypapercrane and her boys at an indoor playground in Hagerstown. We must have been a sight, Heidi with her blue hair and me with my pink. We weren't, though, since no one was there. The place had been flooded the week before and they had just finsihed pumping out all the water. It smelled like cat pee. It was funny. I think Jeff enjoyed hanging out with Heidi's sons as later he said, "They made me think boys would have been cool, too." Haha. Here is a picture of Jeff and Rachi at the cat pee indoor playground. Rachi is in this tube thing.
And here are both girls with a big plastic dragon:
I am changing things again and not just floating on with the current. I am being secrety right now. Details to come.
I will be selling my stuff at the Adams Morgan Night Market this Saturday, July 15th. Do stop by and buy something or just say hi! The market is from noon until 10 pm. I will be there in shifts from noon until 2 and again from 5 until 10, but my stuff will be there the whole time. I am sharing a space with some members of the Craft Mutiny!. Joy from charming vices and Paula from Woolarina will be there with me.
Here is more information:
Where: We are located in the outdoor plaza of the Marie Reed Learning Center at 2200 18th St. NW in Adams Morgan, between California and Kalorama Streets. See website for more details.
Say SEAWEED and get a one dollar discount on your purchase (my stuff only!).
Things are changing fast again and I can hardly keep track of it all.
Rachi is saying Boobah, Anya loves talking animals. Rachi picks up the baby phone and says "hi dada." Anya got bitten by a classmate at daycare yesterday. When the teacher called to tell us, our first reaction was, "Was it Rachel?" No, it wasn't. It was someone with far more teeth. Both girls are very interested in macaroni and cheese as well as the baby animal book with the furry patches that you can touch.
There are other changes too. Me changes. Jeff changes. Life changes. But mostly we are re-evaluating our priorities, our goals. Trying to make some real decisions about our situation. It would be easier to just let life wash over us and sweep us further down this current path, but I think we might need to take a different one. And there are pros and cons and who knows if we will make the right decisions. I think a lot about how every decision you make opens up a new world. On the last episode of the new season of Dr. Who, the Doctor explained how these new worlds can be real. I like this idea, that there are a million other yous doing a million other things. What happens when you stay in one place and never make any decisions? There are less yous in the universe, I suppose. My biggest concern right now is that we are not only making decisions for us, but for little girls. Passengers, indeed.
My day home alone with the girls on Monday was good in some ways, bad in others. They broke the DVD burner drive on the computer. I feel terrible about this. I wish it hadn't happened but it was one of those fast things that just happens. The girls were fairly happy and well managed most of the day until nap time. They scream and scream at nap time. And then when they finally sleep it is only for about 20 minutes and then they are cranky for hours until they sleep again.
PBS saved me, though. Both girls were screaming their heads off, so I turned on the TV to take myself out of the situation for a minute, to calm down. The Boohbahs were coming on. Both girls turned to the TV from their crying and started to watch and clap. I was floored. They never watch TV and I have never seen them react to something like this. They watched the whole show and even crawled closer to the TV and started clapping and dancing.
Amazing. Later, they watched about 10 minutes of Shrek 2, mostly the donkey and the cat. While I know the facts about how TV is bad for the little ones, I am not at all anti-tv with my kids. I mean, we keep the tv off, but I don't emotionally feel like they shouldn't be TV watchers as adults. Certain TV is just as much art and good storytelling as books, ya know? What makes Narnia better than Farscape, ya know? Anyway, what I really loved was the interest they showed and how they felt better after watching the Boohbahs.
Rachi's interest in books surpasses that of the Boohbahs, though, so don't worry! She says boo boo and we get a book. We read Good Dog Carl because all of the other books within reach are by Sandra what's her head and they get on my nerves. I like Good Dog Carl because it is told in pictures. Rachi likes it, too. She laughs and laughs at the baby climbing out of her crib to ride on the dog's back.
All this media interaction really makes me excited about the future. I can't wait to read them good books, show them seasons and seasons of good TV shows, etc. I can't wait for them to love Totoro as much as I do or ask me what will happen next to Lyra in the Golden Compass. I can't wait to see who likes what. I, even, can't wait for them to reject all these things that I love and make the world their own. I can't wait.
Our decision to not buy a house this year was made easily for us after I wrote about the zombie house a while back. I wrote that I didn't want to participate in this real estate market with its overpriced properties. Lots of people have scolded me, telling me you just have to buy and stop throwing away your money on renting. That choosing the city lifestyle when you can't afford to own is stupid. That you just have to do it!
Guess what? I knew I was right and this article from today's Washington Post proves it:
Rents Rise as Apartment Market Is Squeezed
The apartment market in the Washington area has become one of the tightest in the country, and rents are rising briskly as some affluent residents decide to rent rather than buy in what they fear is an inflated real estate market.
So there! I found it really interesting that all of these condos are being turned into apartments because people are deciding not to buy in this market.
I just added my first coupon code to the I like Seamonster Store. The code is SUMSUM and if you use it when checking out, you will get $1 off your order. Happy summer!
www.ilikeseamonsters.com/catalog
Also, I didn't get email for a few days and all of a sudden, some emails have popped into my inbox at the seamonsters account. If you are waiting for me to reply, this could be why.
The fireworks started while it was still light out. And the streets were full of people walking down the hill, with thier umbrellas folded and backpacks and coolers full. Happy people waiting for the bus in party clothes. Men in flip flops walking fast with friends. I watch all of this from the solarium, my bridge. My ship bridge. Anya stands on the changing table looking down and I say "street" and she says "stree". "stree, stree, stree" she says over and over again. I remember when I first got home with the girls and I envied everyone who got to be down there on the street. I have mixed feelings about them now, less close to envy.
Fireworks are legal in DC, so everyone has some and everyone is setting them off in Malcom X Park. This view of the park in the pinnicale of what Jeff and I always wanted out of living in DC. Two working class kids escaping the suburbs and the country, this was our dream. I love this view, I love this 7th floor room of windows. I have stopped trying to leave it. I feel defeated in this, but also slightly happy that we will stay a little longer. This is selfish because the girls need their own room, but after a few hours of cleaning up, the apartment almost feels liveable for a few more months.
Months. That is how we are living. Let's survive this month. If we just make the money, time, will, stretch one more month, we can maintain our lifestyle. Because there are always windfalls. There is always me getting a part-time job or Jeff getting a raise or something will bring in a little extra money to help us maintain this insanely expensive situation that we are in. I write the check to the daycare and I am horrified at the number. It is time to change this situation, but the how eludes me. I wait for the lightbulb to come on and the answer to reveal itself.
The fireworks go on into the night. When the official ones are going off, we peer out the solarium corner at the Washington Monument, but the angle is all wrong. We don't go up to the roof because there will be too much smoking up there. Even after the official DC fireworks are done ( I know this because I am watching them on TV), the bottle rockets and neighborhood fireworks wake up the girls. I can't imagine loving America enough to do this. I am the worst patriot. Maybe it isn't about America at all, but about blowing crap up. Anya wakes up screaming, so we bring her to bed with us. She kicks me all night long with her tiny feet.
We are almost 1 year old. I wonder where we will be next year for 4th of July. I wonder about the future too much. My girls are changing and I am wasting my time thinking about money and places to live. I need to take a step back.
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