Man....it gets harder emotionally when other people are in the mix, the amount of times I hear mothers at the school gates fretting because their kid got a spelling wrong, they are 5 for frigs sake!
People used to hassle me about my 6 year olds speech, he has issues with his L's, I don't give a toss...he has turned into a very patient and smart kid as he had to take time to be understood. My other is the youngest in the school and people get all hectic about him not drawing...he might just NOT LIKE drawing. Of course as an artist this makes me weep but he is who he is. I have two well adjusted pleasant compassionate kids because I ignored all mad rantings and just listened to the logical stuff and my heart. I reckon you'll get the answers in your own way in your own time. Don't be pushed you know your kids better than anyone...also don't fret about the amount of time you get with them ..you have to work and it's quality not quantity. You have a tough job dealing with two different kids with different personalities at the same time and you need space to get things done in your own way. OK I will stop ranting now hee hee...sorry. Big love to you all anyway.

Oh tina...I wish I could say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Wait until they are 2 yrs and they are telling you that they should know how to count to 10 and know the alphabet and how to spell their names-no joke! I stressed out about whether I should keep my son with his grandparents that live right next to my work. Perfect situation, right? Except I was paying them and they weren't doing anything that I asked them to do. So, then I put him in a daycare which I like...but, there are things there that bothered me. So, now he is signed up for pre-school in the fall at a private school, which also has some issues I can't keep thinking about. The tough solution is to stay at home if you can move to a more affordable living space. My husband told me I was so worrisome and picky, the only thing that would make me happy is to start my own daycare/preschool. He is right-that is the only way I would be ok...but I can't do that, so I am stuck in a state of panic and worry:) Does this daycare realize that most kids (worldwide) are breastfed until at least one year of age? We mothers are stuck in limbo between working and rearing. It is a tough tug of war.

I don't think staying home is the answer for everyone. Maybe a better match with daycare providers' philosophies? Our kids went/go to a Montessori school (not cheap though) and we have *never* been pushed to get them to do anything; it's always paced to the child's development. Did they say what they do when your little one screams? Couldn't they just take her into another room for a few minutes, so she can calm herself down and not upset the other kids? Do they not have enough caregivers to do that? They ought to. It might make more of an impression on the daycare people if you give them a plan you want them to follow: "When she screams, we'd like you to do this." It doesn't even matter too much what the plan is, because if it doesn't work, you just try something else. But you can counter their own "rules" and "systems" with "rules" of your own--some people just think that way (especially people who spend all day with a lot of small children).

You poor thing, children all develop at their own rate, its tough having that burden put on you. At home though you could try ignoring the screaming and fussing over her as much as possible when she is quiet. Possive behaviour reinforcement works so much better than saying no. Good luck, blessings to you all.

I know that the competitiveness for the kids to be doing certain things at certain times is stressful. That will get more and more stressful if there is any noticeable pattern that children are falling more and more behind in more and more things. Some of it is important and some is not, but that means that, yes, some of it you will have to attend to, to some degree. Kids are expected to learn certain basic skills at a certain stage in their development. That's how we know that our kids started to roll over or walk or talk early or late, and parents say this to themselves and to other adults; we are often referring to standards set by hundreds of babies that came before, and if you do that, you have to accept the down side to the comparisons made by your child to other children.

With education, I would assume that no matter how relaxed, elite, or general the school system is, educators work very hard to have everyone on, basically, the same page; it really is impossible to do it any other way, unless you plan to home-school. It is ideal to hope that everyone can work at their own pace, but when you have even a dozen kids in a room, you can't have a dozen individualized plans. If a teacher physically can't do for your child what she could do for every other child in the room at the same time, than it would be unfair to expect it. True, not doing well in math in 2nd grade may not be that important, but it's really the skills and proficiency they show, not grades (by my standards) that are most important. As crappy as our American educational system is, it does follow some logic; everything is a building block for something else, and if you dismiss that, you may see gaping holes that you didn't know were there before.

As far as the crying thing to get attention, and I'm sure you've heard this before: whatever a child finds will get her the attention she wants, that's what she will use. If you coddle too much and answer every whim, and never let that child suffer even a smidge, expect that child to continue some of those behaviors as she grows. It is very hard, heart-breaking, to deny a child what will comfort her, but it is something to consider, and understand that, just maybe, by not doing so, you create more problems than you solve. Without enduring a little discomfort or being refused something, many of us would not learn anything about how to self-regulate our needs and wants.

Ah! I hope the situation gets diffused - although I am late commenting on this. (btw Hi its me) I can understand you not wanting to know/hear certain things. I work at a Montessori daycare and I often ask questions or have to make comments to parents. I think they want you to know whats going on so you can decide how you want to handle it, ie. whether you want to say something like "ow you are hurting my ears, I am sad" or just "please can we finish yelling and do something fun?" Childcare providers need to know what parents are doing at home so they can mirror it at school and be consistent - and vice-versa. The daycare I work at is small so often if one child starts yelling/screaming it causes a chain reaction and that becomes problematic when your ratio is one teacher to five to eight screaming children and you have to settle everyone down. I totally agree with you on the mass labelling of children as ADD etc. Before labelling there are things only doctors and specialists know that allows them to determine if a child is ADD. In the 80's when I was growing up kids with slight learning disabilities were termed trouble children and labelled ADD. This led to a whole slew of misinterpretted and sometimes drugged kids. I myself have ADHD, but not until my parents took me to specialists in other cities where they able to accpet this - because they didn't want me to be another blanketed ADD child. Anyways I hope things get easier - forgive me if I rant but I think I can somewhat understand both sides - I HATE having to ask parents to do things like to not bring in bottles for our toddlers - ie they use sippy cups - but often its because thats the daycares policy not the individual teachers.