I over ate yesterday. It felt terrible. It felt awful. But I remembered to hate the feeling and not myself. I was stressed out about having to take the girls home and deal with them alone last night while Jeff covered graduation at his school. I shouldn't have worried about it, though as it was fine. I must remember this. Everything will always be just fine.

I ran into an old friend on the way home. Mark Daley is a lovely man from the UK who has the best accent and the cutest Pug and a great smile. Oh, funny story about Mark. Ok. I met Mark on the street. That is what was great about living in our old apartment, you always met people on the street. So I met Mark on the street and we woudl always talk while walking the dogs. Then one day, I realized I knew his voice from somewhere. Mark was the WHFS Alien. Few people will remember this, but back in the 90's, our "alternative" radio station was the biggest thing here in Washington, and Mark was their weekend DJ, The WHFS Alien. So, here I was, friends with Mark the Alien, someone who I had listened to for hours and hours on the radio. Weird. So, I ran into Mark and he got to meet the girls and it was nice. I miss our old apartment in Dupont. I miss my old friends.

This morning, 249. The .5 is gone. This is amazing considering the amount of food that I ate yesterday. But it is good and I will take it. Dropping 5 pounds, I feel very comfortable here at this weight. I realized this morning that weight loss is more about wanting the feeling of being smaller and less about hating my current body or not wanting to be this size. There is just something so amazing about watching my face emerge, get all pointy and lovely. It makes you think you will never get old. LIke, I worked so hard to get this new thinner face, there is no way it could get old now. Isn't that weird to think about? Also, it isn't like I am at my max weight right now. I have prolly weighed 60 pounds more than this in my life, so being 249 is kinda easy. When I think that, I have to remember what I just wrote about being in love with the feeling of being smaller.

Yesterday, I remembered that over eating isn't about anything but emotions and will power. I was stressed out, so I wanted chocolate. I was feeling tired, so I added cheese to my taco. This is about comfort and emotions and I am stronger than that.

This morning, I walked to work by myself since the girls are home with Jeff for the holiday. This gave me time to remember another tool that used to work so well. Music. The ipod sings Mary Lou Lord and she makes me walk faster and I don't even think of going to Starbucks. I don't even think it. I am transported to a story place that doesn't involve this fat girl eating a muffin.

Things are clicking. I am remembering. I am transforming again. Emotionally , mentally. This is the first step. I hope it is the last time I will take it. Gonna go eat my strawberries. Strawberry girl.