It is rare that we all get our picture taken together. But here we are. We don't even look like we are fighting a war. Photos likes these make me wonder if things really aren't as hard as I think they are. Do that. Take a picture of your life. I bet it will show you new things.

I just got upset when I read this in a confirmation email:

Pickup Date: 4/21/2006
Adults: 1
Children: 0
Service Type: SHARED RIDE VAN SERVICE
Airport: IAD - WASHINGTON, D.C.DULLES
Airline: JET BLUE

CHILDREN: 0! CHILDREN: 0! CHILDREN: 0! CHILDREN: 0!

Crap, I will be gone from my babies for 5 days! I am more worried about the missing them than anything else. Like, will it be overwhelming to the point that i need to get back on a plane and come home early? Could it hurt that much? And then poor Jeff. Poor poor Jeff. He will have a grandma to help him for the weekend, but then Monday and Tuesday he is all alone with two little girls and one dog and god knows how many mice. I hope he still loves me when I get home.

It isn't like I am going for fun, as I have to work 8 to 8 each day. But the fact that I get to read on the plane and sleep the night is something. I am hoping it kicks me in the butt and I come home a whole new me. Hope is hope is hope.

Posted by tina at 1:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

I feel like I used to write with such hope. I think I was emotionally 10 years younger when I was pregnant. And before, oh my! I feel like I have aged and aged and aged in these past 9 months. My body gets older and fatter! and my pink hair grows out and I have no time to not wear dirty clothes and I wonder if I can ever be the other me. The me before the babies seems so distant. I don't want to give her up, though. I think of her often. I see her in the glass of a building. I wear big sunglasses so that no one will notice this new me still pretending to be the old her. I think that something will kick me into gear. Something will give me the will?, power?, time? to get myself back. I think a new hair color might do it. I will ponder this. Green? Aqua? Purple?

We have been bogged down with illnesses again. Mine and Anya's mostly. We are sick girls. Ear infections and possible pneumonia for her. Shortness of breath and toothache for me. After a CT scan and a blood test, we find out that I am anemic, which is easy to fix. I keep losing and finding the same four pounds and I am happy with this since I am not finding more.

This is what real motherhood looks like.

Real motherhood's arms are fat and eyes are tired. Real motherhood is a mixed bag of 'what the hell was I thinking?" and "man, these children are amazing."

Sometimes I look at the singletons at daycare and think about how sad it must be for them to go home to just parents!!! But then there are stolen moments when it is just me and Rachel and we laugh and laugh and it is magic and the idea of one baby is so appealing. I wonder sometimes at what point to twin parents stop thinking this way.

We dressed the girls in matching outfits for Easter. I don't believe in Easter, but I thought it would be nice for the grandparents. It is good karma to be nice to grandparents. The outfits were different, but the same. Rachel in pants and Anya in a dress. I always think this way about them. If someone is going to wear pants, it should be Rachel. I wonder if this is me or something about her?

Rachel can crawl now. For real. It is so scary and lovely. She can also stand on her feet when you hold her up. Anya tries to jump when you stand her up. She also does this little Anya dance all the time. They are so different. It makes you realize that cloning is pretty silly. You will never get the same person when you clone. My clones are living proof.

Posted by tina at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I need recommendations! I am going to Long Beach, CA for work next week. I won't have a lot of time for fun, but want to make the most of it. Can you either comment or email me recommendations of things to do? Cool things? Crafty cool? Arty cool? I already know about the Aquarium, which I am excited about.

Also... so I have these two long direct flights to this thing and I will need something to read. I have had no time to read since I finished the last Harry Potter book the day before I gave birth. Any recommendations of something a little heavier, funnier than said Harry Potter book would be rad.

This is the first time that I have had a job where I get to go away. I am happy and sad. On the one hand, I look forward to the sleep, but the girls could be walking by the time I get home!

Posted by tina at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

And our stroller is a rollercoaster. And we hold on as the world comes towards us and there is a breeze and dogs and the street goes fast below. And we kick our legs and look back at our sister and wheeeeeee! Big girls in their stroller rollercoaster coaster coasting.

The prize for highest fever this week goes to Anya ya ya ya, whose temp went up to 104.7! The double ear infection prize also goes to Anya gal as her sister only got one. This is Anya sporting her fever and new blue dress:

Only one ear infection for Rachi, she has not only decided this little guitar is the best thing in the world, she has also learned to sit up from a lying down position all on her own.

I was thinking this the other night as I drifted off to sleep. When your babies (or baby) are born, you have to love them because who else could love them as much as you do after going through so much crap to get them here. But at this stage, around 8 months or so, is when you want to love them. That might sound weird or bad to some people. But really, it is a revelation. At this age, it seems like some things are magically paying off. All of those months of constant constant care-taking and now you can actually do something other than take care of a baby while a baby is in the room. They only entertain themselves for little spurts right now, but those 15 or 20 minutes of feeding cheerios to the dog are golden. And then there are the personalities. So exciting to watch them take shape.

I officially not only love my daughters now, but I want to love them and that is worth more than you know.

Posted by tina at 2:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)