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| February 2006 »
Things are going to change, I can feel it. there is a storm a brewing and I am in flux flux flux. Mind me, cannot tell all right now. but i will soon. Until then, here is my weekend in photos.
Saturday we took the girls to their first restuarant. It was the first meeting of the brand new DC Craft Mafia (more of this later with a list of the lovely ladies involved). The girls slept most of the time, but we got them up for the end. Anya was all pink dress and tights. Rachie had an owl shirt and Iggy on her arm. I hate that Rachie's best friend is a beanie baby, but damn it is cute when she clutches him. Plus he is easy to replace. I tried hard to make her love someone handmade the best, but here we are carrying around a beanie baby. Anya has yet to pick someone to love best, so there is still hope.
We are eating carrots now. It is messy and makes our poop different. We are six months old. We are sick of sitting around. We are ready for the world.
here I am with both girls:
rachie and iggy:
anya big eyes and smiles:
Ok. I hate fake radio laughs. Can I say it again? I hate fake laughs, but fake radio laughs are just dreadful. I have been listening to interviews with Ricky Gervais a bunch today. Firstly, Google needs an audio search. You can search for images, but not audio. Or maybe you can, but I am not seeing it. So, having listened to all the Ricky Gervais podcasts 3 times already, I decided to google audio interviews with him. I have listened to two. One on NPR and one on some radio guy's podcast. I hate radio guys. Oh my. There isn't much worse than someone who's job is to be on FM radio. I thought this yesterday, too. There was a 107.3 FM truck in front of the YMCA yesterday. And I thought, wow, there is nothing more lame than FM radio. ANd how sad are you to be driving around in an FM radio van?
Ok, I am being critical here. Sorry. But I have been thinking a lot lately about how people present themselves. And how I don't have a lot of patience for things that are polished. Let me explain. It is all well and good for one to be polished and professional at work, that makes sense because you are getting paid to be professional. Like all the people on the bus this morning. So many ties and tweedy tweeds. It is funny because all the suit boys on the bus look a little like they are still kids, but dressed up. Coats hanging off and ipods a-running. I respect these guys. They dress up because they have to, but they still are themselves underneath somehow. But there is this thing that I don't respect. And that is when people make art or craft or podcasts or whatever. Anything that is independent that you are working on for your own fun, ya know? And then they muck it up by pretending they are working for a huge corporation. Like that podcaster interviewing Ricky Gervais, asking Ricky about his "process." Ugh. Fake laughing whenever Ricky made a joke. I hate radio voices and laughs. Just be human! And NPR. Ugh. I used to listen to NPR all day long, but I am so sick of their hosts not knowing anything about popular culture. The weird thing about that interview with Mr. Gervais is that people love him because he is so damn real, ya know?
I guess I am just interested in my world being authentic. Is that the right way to put it? I know this is coming from the girl with the pink hair, so maybe this is meaningless. :)
Speeding our way to 6 months old, the changes are happening and happening and fast fast fast. The big thing about two weeks ago was the girls' new way of saying hello. It happened a few times and I noticed it and didn't think too much of it. But then, it started happening everyday and both at the same time. Yes, they stick out their tongues to say hello. They do it to us, to each other and even to the teachers in the daycare. It is just hilarious and cute and slightly weird. It is more that they "show" you their tongues, actually, considering they keep them out for more than a few seconds at a time. Talking about it at home after feeling slightly embarrassed about it when picking them up at daycare, Jeff and I realized this is more than likely my doing. I am always sticking out my tongue at them and saying, 'ello and laughing. This makes them giggle and is just part of our day. I wondered if the teachers at daycare thought this was rude. I said to Jeff, "cause in some cultures, sticking out your tongue is rude, right?" To this Jeff replied, "Um, in OUR culture, sticking out your tongue is rude." I laughed so loud and hard that I almost peed my pants. This got me thinking about how the girls don't mind being tickled because they don't worry about peeing in their pants yet. How wonderful is that?
Rachel has begun to say what sounds like Dada. Actually, dadadada daddy. We have also heard her say what sounds like Anya, bottle, and of course Rachel. The Rachel was more an Ach-el, Ach-el, Ach-el over and over again while she was alone in her crib. As if to say, "Hey, I am here. Ach-el!" People keep telling me it is too soon for them to talk, but my Rachel is a talker. Anya is more of a listener and a great beauty, so I think she will be ok.
All of this talking and tongue showing is getting us worried. We may have to stop singing them Public Enemy songs and using bad words jokingly in sing songy voices.
Jeff is working late tonight, so it will be just the girls and I for a few hours. In anticipation of this, I am loading up on protein. It is like I am a marathon runner or something because when I get home there will be no time for dinner or for laying about or even just sitting down. There will be baths to give and bottles to prepare and songs to sing, sans the bad words. Every night, I feel like I am on stage, with just two little audience members. I sing and tell jokes and clap hands and in general try to keep the girls in good spirits. I worry that my manic show is going to teach the girls that interacting with people means you jump about and laugh and sing all the time. I worry I am making two little creatures who, like Robin Williams, won't be able to sit still or act like a normal human being. I need to keep this in mind and try to read to them tonight instead of give them the normal routine.
Anya wanted to sleep with me last night. So I let her. She slept on my tummy nearly all night long, but at one point I put her beside me. This is always a worry because of SIDS and such. I hate bringing them to bed with us because of this, but will love it when they are big enough to sleep with us on purpose and not just because they are demanding it. I woke up this morning to Anya tap tap tapping on my face. She would tap a bit and then pinch as if making a sculpture on my cheeks. She had the biggest smiling eyes, that I could just barely see in the 5 am light. I was never the kind of girl who wanted or thought about babies. But this moment with Anya in the morning, made me realize why so many teenage girls get pregnant and have babies on purpose before their lives are really ready for it. Wow, how amazing this is, this unconditional love that you get from your children. I never ever imagined it could be this lovely.
We are in love with all things stuffed. We are in love with little friends who we can clutch in our tiny chubby hands. We don't remember how skinny our hands were when we were born. How we were not completely cooked. But the parents remember and they are wowed at our pink plump hands.
The Rachel half of us loves to yell at her plush friends. She will grab a little iguana by the back scales and just squeal at him. Then she stops and looks at him as if to say, "what do you have to say?" The iguana is always silent and the monkey Rachel yells again. Anya is a little more guarded with her new relationships. She smiles at the small soft ones and sometimes laughs a little, examining faces, touching ears, making friends.
Enter Robin. Robin is handmade by PerfectChildren.etsy.com and arrived today. She is amazing. I took her out of her box to Anya's delight. She looked at Robin and smiled, then I showed her that Robin had eyes on the front AND back of her head and Anya broke into this tiny laugh. Ah, I love that she can laugh now at things that don't include tickling. This was an intellectual laugh. Amazing. It was her second one, actually. The first was at the Discovery Channel commerical where a man is wearing a sasquatch suit. I tried Robin out with Rachel and got the same response. Interest, touching of Robin, laugh at the eyes on back of the head. Amazing. Here are some pictures of first Anya with Robin, then Rachie.
anya and robin times two below.
rachie with robin
everyone loves robin
There are so many moments when being a parent sucks. And they aren't even the moments that I thought they would be. I thought I would hate all the diapers and getting spit up on and boogie shopping and all the gross stuff. But that stuff is silly and we are lucky to be able to help our children with such silliness. It is the other moments, the sleep deprived nights, the hungry baby whose cries threaten to crush you while you heat up formula. There are truly moments when you say, out loud, why did I do this to my life? Sometimes, in the middle of the night, eyes heavy, I even whisper to jeff, "i am so sorry my body made twins, this is too hard." It is ok to say these things. It is ok to feel them. Because this is insanely difficult. But then there are moments like these tonight. Moments when the eyes on the back of a yeti's head make us laugh. Moments when we yell at the iguana and our hands are fat and healthy. Moments when we love our lives that make all the other crap not matter.
I Like Seamonsters central has been mad crazy getting orders this week. I think it is either 6 or 8! Crazy. I think this is thanks to ETSY.com Have you been? I am slightly addicted. Here is my etsy store, but the rest of it is just as rad.
http://tinaseamonster.etsy.com/ I still have my regular store (click SHOP above). But this is rad, too.
Check it out!
In baby news, just a quick note....
Rachie is complaining all the time because she wants to be sitting up. I didn't know that they had been letting her sit up with a boppy behind her at daycare. When I got there, we did this and she was so happy, smiling. She is so sick of laying about. It is funny.
jeff is playing xbox 360 and listening to the best of the doors. what the hell? it is dark in our tiny apartment and some girls are finally asleep. me at the computer, him on the floor with the wireless controller. suddenly i feel a wave of nostalgia. what the hell? i am transported to a long time ago and i am holding hands with a boy in a movie theater and he smells like a boy and we are watching val kilmer pretend to be jim morrison.
now jeff is listening to candy machine. he must have his music on mix mix shuffle shuffle. playing perfect dark something something online with a friend and listening to his weird mix. and then i am very cold. and it is 10 years or more ago and jeff and i are in the old black cat, seeing candy machine play on a tuesday night. we are 2 of about 5 people there. the heat is not on. i can see my breath in the club. i am wearing a hat and gloves. we are young. we stay out late. we never sleep. we listen to records and we jump on the bed. he dyes his hair blue or purple. but i am still afraid to. it will take me years to be that brave.
one girl likes to cry to fall asleep. she crys and crys. even if you hold her, she fights it. i worry that sleep might hurt for her. i hope it doesn't. i wonder if she dreams. well, she must. i wonder if her dreams are happy. said girl is growing new hair. it is lighter, perhaps blonde or auburn. it is soft and sticks up. she has big eyes. i never dreamt of having beautiful children.
the other girl laughs as she drifts off. she pinches my face and giggles. she wants to play, but is just too damn tired. she falls asleep to my singing her a song about gummy worms. i put her in her car seat and give her Col. Mustard. He is a handmade octopus. She will wake in the morning and find him. She will talk to him for a while, rather than wake us up. She will chew on his legs a bit and try to bite his head. Then I will bring her sister around and she will be delighted. She will smile and babble as if to say, "oh, hello!"
For a long time, I was waiting for my life to begin. I didn't know, it had already started. Are you waiting for your life to begin? Stop. It is in progress.
I want to remember when I was 5 months old. I think about this a lot. Sometimes, as Anya falls asleep, I whisper to her, "When you can talk, remember what it was like in mommy's tummy. And tell me about it. Remember your past lives if you had them. Tell Rachie about them. Remember your dreams."
One time I met a 3 year old girl who had gotten a goldfish at a fair. Her mother told me a story about the fish. The girl said the fish made her brave. That with the fish, she wasn't afraid to sleep in her room alone anymore. She had named the fish, Dennis Foster. The mother said the girl didn't know anyone named Dennis Foster, so she didn't know where she got the name from. I wondered if Dennis was the girl's husband in a past life. And that was why she he made her brave. I don't really believe in past lives. I would like to. But I don't. I hope that some day someone will prove it.
I think sometimes about this little girl, in her dark room with her husband fish. I think of her as an old old woman, alone after Dennis died. And then it took her 3 years to find him in this life. How much did she have to look? I think of her saying, "good night honey" to her husband fish. I think about this a lot. And sometimes it is sad and sometimes it is glorious. But mostly, I think about how we all need someone. Someone to make us brave.
Look at these girls. You would never know they were sick at all. All they needed to get over their pneumonia were these new shirts from focoloco. Thanks Suzy & Ferris!
So, the only thing harder than raising twin infants, is taking care of sick twin infants. Ok, triplets might be harder, but I am lucky to not have triplets, so don't make me think about it.
The rundown. Anya got pneumonia and she and I spent 3 days in a hospital room. Her in a giant crib, attached to an IV, getting breathing treatments every 2 hours. Me, sleeping on a cot without a shower. Meanwhile, Jeff was at home with Rachel, whose cold seemed to get worse with each day. Xmas morning, Anya and I had been home for a few days. Grandma had come to help. Off Jeff and I went with Rachie to the emergency room. Whoohoo! Two sick babies. Rachel, too, had pneumonia. She was lucky that the worst of her hospital stay involved an xray with a tech whose tattoos and spikey hair, Rachie thought were wicked cute.
It is the day after new years and we are all nearly better. We haven't been to daycare in two weeks, so who knows how tomorrow will go!
So, our first big crisis is done. I can't say I stayed calm through it all. I can say I am stronger than I thought I was. Watching a nurse try to give your tiny baby an IV for an hour might make another person freak out, but I dealt and was strangely calm. Throughout this whole motherhood thing, I have kept waiting to lose it. To break. But I haven't yet and that is rad. I haven't yet and that is cool.
Oh crap, I forgot to mention the diaper rash....
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