I have not had dry hair in days and in this kinda wintery Washington autumn, that is not a good thing. I just took it out of a pig tail to find it slightly frozen in places. I have worn the same jeans for three days. I am not minding it much, they fit well and I barely smell bad. After days of feeling fevery baby heads, I put my hand to my own forehead. I am surprised by it's size and warmth. I suppose I am sick. Rachel had a fever yesterday, so we took turns staying home with her. Half the day for me, half the day for Jeff. During my half day at work, I did what I thought was something pretty important, but I kept worrying about Rachel at home. To tell you the truth, it was actually more sad to think of Anya at daycare without her sister. But when I went to pick her up, she was all smiles. Smile Time is the new nickname that Jeff has given her.

Smile Time has found her thumb and we are so happy. The only bad thing is that her thumb is so tiny that it barely makes her feel better. So we find her with her thumb and half of her hand in her mouth. I know that some parents are anti thumb sucking. But with twins, anything to make them able to calm themselves is cool. Smile Time also found her diaper this morning. Her little fingers grasped that tab and as she was about to pull it off, she looked at me as if to ask. I said, no, but laughed. To this she laughed, too. Smile Time is going to be pulling off her diaper soon. Oh, the fun we will have.

The girls are now sleeping in the co-sleeper attached to our bed. One used to sleep in this kind of tray or bin between us. But the bigger she got, the more she would slide out. Now, our bed is baby-less. This is kinda sad because I am not waking up to see little eyes looking back at me. I sorta can't wait until they are big enough to cuddle together between us for naps and such. Until then, I am taking the opportunity to find Jeff in the middle of the night and sleep close close close. This is something that I yearned for during my pregnancy, but something my giant tummy did not allow. I thought about it at 3 in the morning. About how I need to take every opportunity that I have to enjoy Jeff and the girls. Before I got pregnant, I didn't do this. I didn't try to enjoy every minute of life. I wasted a lot of time.

On my walk to work this morning, with my frozen pink hair like a dessert on my head, I thought about all the time I have wasted in the past ten years. Now with kids, It is important how I spend every moment. Every moment is a decision made. Every moment is an opportunity to change the lives of others. Every thing I do is important now to some little one or another. I have to think about that whenever I am lamenting that I don't have time for me.