I woke up this morning with these words in my brainy brain: optimism is not your friend. Um, what the hell? How bleak. I am not feeling that. I do have to say that yesterday was a trying day in the world of twin motherhood.

First, I weighed myself to find that I have gained back the 5 pounds that I lost in the past two weeks. This is not a surprise. I have been a candy eater. I am eating for comfort again, but not even real food, not even Mac and Cheese. I am talking Lindt chocolate bars and Mega M&Ms. So, back to 247. Still 20 pounds to go before I get to pre-pregnancy weight and 50 more to go before I am done. I totally own this gain. Say it with me. I own this. I own this. I own this. Now I just need to get my ass into gear.

Then, both girls were hungry at the same time all day long and would refuse to eat because I kept trying to feed them at the same time. They are awake enough now to want want want the attention of a feeding. They want eyes locked and conversation, like on a date. I don't blame them. So it was a nasty circle of hungry baby, crying baby, calm for a bit, hungry again. Things didn't calm down until Jeff got home and saved me. NOt right away, of course. I mean, who can handle coming home to two crying babies and a desperate pink-haired wife? But once we got both babies fed and on the floor to look at each other, this were calmer. We listened to Heavenly and The Promise Ring and Jeff sang to each girl individually and everybody got happy. What a difference two people make. When I got up with Rachel at 2am, she was all smiles. I love that. That is a happy baby.

So, if anything, last night I learned that optimism is one of my few friends these days. One of my most needed friends. I need to feel optimistic everytime I look at a baby and everytime I look at the scale and everytime I think about the future. Because in the trenches of twin motherhood, it is hard to believe that things will get easier. But they totally will. I am optimistic.

******************************************************
I have to shout out to Yelena, who sent me the most amazing letter and package for the tiny girls. What a surprise. I really am lucky lucky to be so well thought of. Once again, the nurturing from strangers kicks ass. Keep an eye out for a package from me.

Also, my emails don't seem to be going out, so if it seems that I am not writing back, I actually am