>>> Jeff holding his youngest daugher (Anya). They both look sooo sleepy.>>>>

It is 3:41 on a Friday and you cannot imagine how much I need Jeff to be home for the weekend. And for his mom to come. I hate that i feel this way, but I need a break from babies. For the past 3 days, I have been not much more than a baby sofa. A big, soft place for babies to recline. This is nice and warm and lovely and I am glad that I am comfy to them (daddy likes to tell them how sorry he is that he is so boney), but there are so many other things that I want to work on. I am actually typing this with one hand!:)

While I am admitting things, let me tell you something else. I am eating like a pig. Gourmet chocolate bars, mac&cheese, pizza. There is no end to the bad eating. It is stress eating because I'm not even tasting it. There, I admitted it. First step to making it stop. I am holding steady at 248, which means only 20 or so more pounds to drop to get to pre-pregnancy weight, so that is good. But I fear I will see the scale creep up if I don't chill the hell out.

Eileen and I took the girls to the Whole Foods yesterday, which really increased my confidence in dealing with the girls in the world. It was also about a mile walk (maybe less), so I got to feel my leg muscles work for the first time in maybe 6 months. I was stiff this morning, like a new runner. She and I sat in the front of the store with the babies and there was much laughter. She made me miss having a full-time friend. Someone who lives near me and just shows up to sit around and do nothing. Eileen has been this amazing part of the past month for me. She and I were friends for a long time until more than a year ago when she moved half a world away to Chile. Then, on the day my girls were born, she blew into town for her own life event. And I have been so lucky to see her every few days since then. Yesterday was her last day with us, but she reminded me about the importance of community, the importance of letting people in. All of our friends have helped me with this in the past month, actually. I have never ever seen so much generosity of things and spirit.

In the Whole Foods, we watched people try to figure out whose babies these were. It was funny because Eileen with her wonderful dark hair could easily be their mom. And perhaps I look a little too immature to be someone's momma. While I wish she still lived here so that we could run around town letting people think we were a two mom family (lots of that in our town, actually more two dads) and wonder which one of us had the babies, I am so glad that she has found a place that she loves. I am so glad that she lives her life the way she wants to. Hopefully some day, I will take my girls to see her where ever in the world she is living. Below is a picture of Eileen holding Rachel. But I do do do miss having a full time friend. Oh well, it isn't like I have much time for new friendships right now. Perhaps I am holding my new full time friend right now. Perhaps I am forming two right now.

>>>>Eileen with Rachie>>>>>