Monday's doctor appointment landed me on bed rest at home. My doctor is still concerned about the possiblity that I will develop pre-eclampsia, although I do not have it yet.

I am working from home via laptop and try not to spend too much time sitting up, thus I haven't written much or responded to emails. Hopefully I will be able to do that later today.

Jeff is being so wonderful, cooking all my meals and taking care of me. But it has been stressful for both of us.

Friday, I have another appointment and my doctor is threatening to "admit me" to the hospital and once again, I have no idea what that means. I don't mind staying on bedrest for the next 5 weeks or so, as long as I can do it at home. I think that my doctor is judging me a bit based on the pink hair and the fact that I seem light-hearted about most things. I hate him for this. I really do. I am a very serious person, who deals with things in a light-hearted way to survive. It is just how I am. I hate that he is taking the joy out of these last few weeks for us. Caution is one thing, but this man has no joy.

With every appointment, I feel as if my faith in my ability to do this is being damaged, all for caution. He is concerned about my weight and swelling, two things that are symptoms of pre-eclampsia. But frankly, he doesn't know me. He doens't know that I have only gained 50 pounds after being pregnant 8 months with twins! He doesn't care about that, he only cares about the overall weight and how rapid I gain it. Last time I checked, pregnant women gain weight and have swollen feet. Anyway, I am the strongest and healthiest I have ever ever been and I need to remember that. I will follow his instructions, so that I don't develop pre-eclampsia, but I will not let him crush my spirit. Now I know why women go to midwives.

I am trying to submit while retaining my inner strength. There isn't much time left. I just hope I can continue to spend that time here, in my own bed with my lovely husband taking care of me, rather than in the hospital where I will be treated like I have a disease.