Tomorrow marks one week on bed rest. Whoohoo! It has taken me that long to realize that this isn't all about me. That this is really about the tiny girls and keeping the tiny girls inside for longer. I am lucky that no one wrote to tell me that in such a harsh way, because I wasn't ready to hear it.

It took a few things this week to make me realize that I am nearly 33 weeks pregnant with twins and that gone are the carefree days of 24 weeks pregnant or even 28. I am no longer beat the drum of how strong I am and must begin to listen to my body, really listen, because it is starting to tell me new things now, things that I wasn't ready for.

Friday's doctor appointment did two things. One, we found out that Anya is now 4 lbs 3 oz, while Rachel is 3 lbs 15 oz. Rachel was hard to measure and thus the sonogram tech couldn't get an accurate measurement on Rachel's tummy. Thus, her tummy is measuring small for her gestational age, which is cause for some concern. Enough so, that we will now be seeing the doctor 3 times a week. This caution is important because one twin could very suddenly stop growing and I don't want to be sitting around while Rachel isn't growing.

The second thing that happened was that my blood pressure was once again up because I was stressed out about having to get my blood pressure checked. Go figure. So off to 'Labor and Delivery' we went to be admitted. After a few hours or monitoring, I once again had no real signs of pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure went straight down as soon as we got there. But then, right when we thought we would be going home, in runs TWO doctors with a sonogram machine. "Aren't you feeling these contractions!!!??" one said. Frankly, Jeff and I were talking about how I would really like him to make me some pancakes and no I didn't feel anything. Looking at the monitor, though, I saw them! They were these huge huge well spaced mountains on the print out. Full, nice contractions. But I felt nothing. I got a shot of something to make them stop, got my cervix checked and was made to drink lots and lots of water. My cervix was fine, still hard and closed. The shot made my heart race and race. It took a while, but the filling up and emptying my bladder of water made the contractions stop. Poor Jeff had to go home and walk Archie while we waited for my uterus to calm down and must have been totally freaked out.

By about 8pm, my uterus was tamed and I was released with the new fear of silent, but strong and mighty contractions.

I read that some women pregnant with twins can't feel contractions because their uterus is too stretched. So it isn't just me. But Saturday and Sunday, I paid very close attention to my body and noticed that I indeed do have two or three contractions in the morning that only go away with lots and lots of water. Now, I have a healthy respect and fear of premature birth that my former, "look how strong I am" attitude wouldn't allow. This is good for the tiny girls.

So, it is bed rest for me for the rest of this pregnancy, along with 3 appts a week. I am not upset about this. I have seen the doctors let me go home and am not afraid of being sent to the hospital for weeks on end. Frankly, at 33 weeks, I most likely only have 4 to 5 weeks to go. And carrying 8 pounds of baby around right now is hard. What will it be like when there are 10 pounds of baby in there? Or even more? oh my! I get to continue to work from home via my laptop for a while even though I have to spend some time on my left side everyday.

I am lucky for this time. I am getting to bond with the girls more. I have begun to dream of them again, something that went away for a month or so there. Two recent dreams: First I dreamt that I tried to put on my shoes and rather than shoes I could only find babies. Second, I dreamt that my great grandma called me into her dark room, like she did when i was a kid. She called me to give me something or show me something. But instead of a great grandma, I felt around in her bed to find this tiny soft head of short hair. And tiny soft limbs. I found babies who wanted to breastfeed. The softest little heads in the world.

And I get to spend these next 4 or 5 weeks, if I am lucky, with these little soft heads and not with the rest of the world to distract me. I know I will get to spend more time than that with them, but this is probably some of the most important time in their lives right now, this last month of growth inside of me. Yes, me!