:::on going off of my beloved prozac:::

I am finally feeling the loss of the prozac from my system. Yesterday I called some people I don't even know, "worms." Nice. I felt like the old old me. I also told Jeff that I hated someone. Happy prozac me would have never tolerated such. While I am very disappointed, at least I know why I am feeling these little surges of rage. And I guess it would be worse. I remember when it was. I guess as long as I can recognize it, I can fight it. Oh! But going off of prozac has made it so that I concentrate to read again!

:::new symptoms of pregnancy:::

Nearing week 12 of pregnancy, dizziness is the new nausia. I can't get up or sit down without the room spinning spinning spinning. And I am short of breath all the time. This is because being pregnant increases the blood in your body by 45%! I began last week to take the bus to and from work. It is easy in the afternoon, but the morning is crap. It is packed and people are mean and smelly. And I am not pregnant enough yet to beg a seat. It does make me way way less tired, though and that is good. Oh! Let me tell you about the stretch marks! I have always had them because of my weight gain and loss. But now I have really bad ones between my underarms and boobs. ANd they itch! I know, gross, sorry!

:::"and we forgot all the names/the names we used to know":::

Last night, Jeff and I went to the 9:30 club to see Jeff's favorite band, The Arcade Fire. After a few minutes there I noticed the lack of ciggy smoke. Then I noticed the No Smoking signs. Whoohoo! The 9:30 club is non smoking! Amazing. The second hand smoke was one thing that I worried about when going to see a band play while pregnant, now I didn't have to worry at all about that. It was an early show, but I was still tired, so we sat in the balcony. The opening act was this solo violinist who used a techie thing to record samples of his violin and play them back during the song, so that it sounded like a whole string section. He was Canadian and amazing. I will find his name... i think it was Owen and he played violin on the Arcade Fire record. As soon as the music started, the babies start hopping around in there. First Twin A who is usually the second to do anything, then Twin B. To this, Jeff said, "they like music" which made me cry because I am pregnant and emotional and newly off of prozac. hehe. This happened off and on all night long. One would start hopping around and then the other. Let's hope they weren't totally harmed by the loud music. The Arcade Fire are amazing, though... I love a band with violins and an accordian. They are a 7 piece and remind me of a post goth Belle and Sebastian. I mean, the songs sound nothing like B&S, but they tell stories and lovely ones at that. THe band has boys and girls and everyone passes around instruments. I say post goth because they all dress in black and suits and stuff... the record is called "Funeral". The main girl is Canadian and her stage presence reminded me of The Bride of Frankenstien in a silent movie. Amazing and enchanting. Gothy can be so lame, but these guys get it just right. They made me think about how all of the indie bands that I loved in the early 90's were really very bad. Haha. You can download mp3s from them at mergerecords.com. I was totally impressed and the show goes down in the list of my top 5 favorites, I think. And that is saying at lot as I think Jeff and I have been to at least 1000 live shows since we started dating. 1994 alone, i think we saw something like 234. It might have been 1995. Anyway, it is up there with the first time I saw Belle and Sebastian right after "If you are feeling sinister" came out, crazy. I am old. During the whole show, I was thinking... I so hope my kids wanna learn to play the drums. I so hope my kids aren't too normal.

:::what kind of mom do i wanna be:::

so i have been thinking alot about what kind of mom i wanna be. this is exciting. more on this later... but it is becoming a huge topic for me.