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here's another picture from my trip... me at stonehenge... jeff took this and it is really lovely how clear i am in the foreground and then the little stonehenge in the background. props to jeff for his amazing framing. props to me for wearing orange and pink together. props to stonehenge for being really old. and dude, old navy should totally buy this as a marketing photo... cause both the scarf and jacket are from there. fat girls everywhere would run out and buy orange scarves andpink velvet jackets. i wrote that sentence and then kept a bit yucky.,.. i think i might not think of myself as a fat girl anymore. weird. wow. rad.
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backbackback.
i am back from my first overseas holiday. we had a wonderful time, i missed my apartment and dog and friends. took a total of 257 pictures... so i will upload some of those soon, prolly after my volunteering this morning.
we fetch archie tonight. i hear he has been spending a lot of time in front of the window, sighing. poor chap. i think he grandma will be happy to be done with him, though. haha.
ok. more later.
ok, here is the first picture... jeff and i on our first night in london... can't really see, but we are at trafalgar square.
hihihi
hope you don't think i am not enjoying my vacation... someone wrote to say that i sounded lukewarm about it. i am not. i think i am just realizing a lot about my own city of washington, dc. that it suits me fine. which isn't to say that london isn't lovely. it is. old and lovely.
today we did some markets.... one of which was camden town, which someone who is in the know told us to just avoid because while people say it is cool. it really isn't. she was right right right! i think my tastes in clothes and things have totally gotten weird because i walked around for all this time without finding anything to buy. and this was supposed to be my big big shopping day. everything just seemed too, well, trying to be cool. i finally found this lady making jewelry with guitar picks and army men. pretty cool. i got a bracelet. i also got loads of knee socks, which might become my newest fashion. what else? have i told you about the cadbury? oh my. cadbury machines everywhere everywhere. all i think about is chocolate. the window of our hotel looks out over a room where women are making clothes. i like to watch them. i am sure they don't enjoy my staring.
got an email today that the q and not u venue has changed. lovely. haha. and they are playing with red monkey. that is rad, though.
tomorrow is the portobello market, which was recommended... and the Imperial War muesuem for Jeff. Also, another little gallery since they are far better than the big uns.
The lobby of our hotel this evening was full of scottish santas. And one guy in a scooby doo suit. Funny. Funny. Super funny.
more tomorrow.
9:25. In the Burger Pig basement again. I just bought £12 worth of socks on the street. British flags and fruit animals with faces.That is the kinda girl I am.
Today we did a day trip to stonehenge and Salisbury and Bath. All were lovely, but the 3 hour bus ride home was ughughugh. We spent £7 on gormet chocolates made by French hands. Um... yum. Jeff got these little owls that looked like dark chocolate, but had hazelnut in them. To this I sang a little song, *you and me at the chocolatier*.
Stonehenge was lovely , but we only had like 30 miuntes there including shopping. I can't wait to see what I bought. haha. I do know that I got these little stonehenge earrings, but upon closer inspection they look like little silver pants. Pantshenge. We have only been here for 4 days, but it feels like a lifetime and I keep forgetting I am not in Washington, DC. I had a real British meal today, sausagages and mash. pretty good. not bad and all that.
Tomorrow we will have a more free day of hopefully cooler markets than the Covent Garden, which I call Crap Garden. And we will look for the Rough Trade record shop. Sunday we are seeing Q and Not U, which is funny and rad considering that we have seen them a million times and they are from DC.
I am currently loving the colors orange and pink TOGETHER! Insane. Jeff is falling in love with modern art. I go to the shops before the attractions, which is particularly american of me, but it makes more sense. See what the gift shop thinks is important and then go to it. Limited time and all that. Do you know that I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night?
Remember all that talk I was doing yesterday about fog. Dude, I saw real fog today. Over the moors or what-ev-er (accented). I can't believe that people live there and feel their ways through that stuff. It is lovely and silly all at once. I search for you through the fog and I just keep finding myself. I thought that the whole time we drove through it. Thick and thick and thick.
Today, my shirt says, *I spread my wings and brush a million other worlds.* If I were in the Miss America pagent (if it still exists), and they asked me my number one dream. I would say, to spread my wings and brush a million other worlds. Or to be a weight loss trainer to the stars or a kindergarten teacher. Or perhaps all at once.
More tomorrow. My jammy pants are calling me. Goodnight from London and all that.
11:17 pm. I am in the basement of the Burger King in London again, trying to not continually type the misplaced caps lock key on these cursed European KEYboards... there i go again.
Let's talk a wee bit about identity, shall we? I have been in London for 3 days. I have never left America before. Wanna know how many times I have been mistaken for British, French, German, anything other than American? Loads. One kid from Lousianna tried to take my picture on the London Eye, thinking I was some crazy British girl with blue and pink hair. So funny. aMERICAN teenage girls whisper about the cool british girl's hair. A young couple from Virigina shoot me the meanest look in a donut shop. British boy tells me my hair is bloody brilliant and is then shocked when he hears my accented Thank you. Everyone told me that I would fit in in London, which so far has been true and yet not true. Suit men and women marvel at me in the tube (is marvel the word for negative staring?) and teenagers smile at me in the comic shop. But overall, Londoners in my three days of travel have been very much colorless, grey, all tweedy trench coats and proper propers. Perhaps other parts of the city will be different. Either way, I AM my own nation. Where are you from they will ask and I will create a new accent all my own and say, Seamonster_land. Yes, Seamonster underscore land.
Let's talk more about my trip. Oh wait. Let's talk about weight. HaHA. Before we left America, I successfully ate four, yes four pieces of pecan pie. Brilliant. Stress, yummy, but horrible. I arrived in London after a 7 hour flight with swollen ankles and a puffy face. I have no idea how much weight I gained from the pie, but I felt horrible. London hasn't done much for my weight loss journey either and it sucks because, well the food is awful. I make up for that by hitting the Cadbury machines everytime I see one. Yes, Cadbury Machines! I even got some mini eggs for 20p from a bubble gum type machine. Anyway. I am pretty sure that the 224 that I weighed before I left home is totally frelled and I am back up to like 227 or 8 or 9 or oh, damn it. 230. I HAVE HAVE walked and walked and walked so maybe it all works out, but we will just have to see when we get home. This whole tiny lapse, gain has made me feel awful in a physical way, not emotional, of course because I am a strong girl who has blue hair and an orange scarf and mary janes on my feet. Why is it that i always fall back on my own personal style to feel better. aM i like vapid or what? Just call me Cordy. If you get that reference, you are rad.
OK. So. London. Food = bad. People = slightly boring. Things I saw today = not to complain... but um... bored now. The British Muesem is totally over-rated and full of stolen crap. The Tate Modern art gallery. Um. Designer purses for £75#!? Lame lame mclame. The things that everyone told me were must-sees were totally worthless and tame. Get me away from here, I'm dying. But the leather chairs for sitting in the Tate Modern were brill. Comfy and made me sleep.
Tomorrow is a new attempt at our day trip to Stonehenge and Bath. I am a little concerned that it will also be a bust since it is planned and a touristy thing and the best things we have done have been accidents and not touristy things. But who knows.
I was just thinking that I love the way my eyes feel in their sockets and I am not even on drugs. I swear it. Think about it right now. How your eyes feel in their sockets and then think about where you are in life. That is what I am doing right now in the basement of a Burger King in London, with the smell of onion rings wafting around me like some crazy fog. I am in a moor of fast food weather. LIke the heroine in a Bronte book, you are my charges and my living quarters are this PC lab and the tiny hotel room up the street. And I am thinking about where I am in life. And I am unsure and so sure all at once. Silly girl, I am. My french watch says it is 0:03. I think that means midnight. This is the 0:03 time of my life. Secretly past midnight and I am not even asleep or sleepy.
Half way through my vacation and I am sorta looking forward to both the rest of the trip and being home again. I want to be able to work on my weight loss journey for real, yo! And I can't do that here here here. I also haven't made anything in days and days and my hands are getting bored.
:::::: i am ice and clouds :::::::
no, really. i am.
i walked out of the His Dark Materials stage play having forgotten that I wasn't in Washington. Three hours in the world of Lyra and Pantaliamon and Will and Dust will do that to you. This evening has been a series of accidental loveliness. First, on our way to the Tate Modern this morning, we walked past the National Theater, which is funny since I hate theater. No really. I hate it. Anyway,, I usually wouldn't have given it a second glance... but then I saw the poster for the first part of the His Dark Materials stage plays. I started yelping and jumping and it was like my vacation had finally begun. We ran into the theater and of course as Americans, we asked for what we wanted, tickets for tonight. Smug British girls tells us that it is sold out and the first tickets she has is for ummm.... January. Bugger all. Then she tells us we can que up for some 20 or so day seats on Friday morning at say, 9. Hmm... Ok. I look at the poster outside and it says that the play isn't even playing on Friday. Back in I go and find the cutest ticket boy and ask him. He smiles at me and says, let us see if there are any open seats for tonight since last you asked. Umm. Let us, I say. Oh yes, 2 tickets in the 5th row for tonight. View is a bit restricted at times, side of the stage. £10 each. Whoohoo! I say. I make my way out into middle of the sea cold that is the edge of the Thames and smile a tiny evil smile to show Jeff that I have a secret. Tickets! Anyway, so something we didn't even know existed (well sorta) hours ago is now in our grasp. How you read the His Dark Materials books by Philip Pullman? Well, you need to and you will know why this is a big deal and why I am going on and on about it.
So, the stage play was 3 hours long and combined the first book with half of the second book and the daemons were these amazing puppets with actors in black doing the voices and Lyra was spunk spunk and Wil was spot on and wow wow. The theater was full full of little British kids and teenagers and to hear an 8 year old British boy talk to his brother about the stage play of a series of 3 books about the trials of a girl who must fight the church to save the world and lots of other things like portals to other worlds... wow, amazing.
AND before this amazing play, we didn't have time for the Tate Modern, who does when they are on the way to the theater, afterall? .... so we stop by the Saatchi Gallery, which we had gotten a postcard from a man named Mikee on the street about earlier in the day. We had been waffles about going there since it was £8.50 and not free and they seemed to have street teams of folks to get us in. How good could it be? Um. Amazing. Can you say, real dead shark in a huge tank as art? Um... frelling amazing.
lalalala. check it out:
http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/county/county.htm
the shark art is huge and huge and huge... it is by Damien Hirst, check him out.
Ok... so here I am, 11:34 in the basement of a Burger King in London, writing to you. The wall of the Tube said "I am ice and clouds". I put that in my mind and take the stairs to the street...a cold wind blows up my courdory skirt and I feel like the captain of a great ship. And I am glad I wore the tights instead of the knee socks. I am a good captain. I am ice and clouds.
"I've been weak, but it sure beats being strong." -- Mary Lou Lord on her new record, Baby Blue.
OK. IN two days, I am off off off to London with the hubby. First ever trip over the seas. Do keep places orders, they will all be shipped on Monday, November 29th.
My main problem today is trying to decide if I should go see Finding Neverland or the Spongebob movie tonight. I live such a tough life. I might not be excited enough to see either... hmm. But i want want want to go to the movies, so we will see.
more later, aligator.
Today I am wearing my first ever, and I mean ever, skirt that is NOT plus-sized. It just says XL on it and I bought it at Nordstroms beacuse it was on sale sale sale. It has a tiny pocket on the front. And what's more... it is slightly above my knee in length. IF there were any question as to whether the super fat girl is gone, there isn't one now.
Last night, I spent the whole evening packaging ninja necklaces in these little clear bags with silkscreened tags. So professional... pictures to come. I also watched my pretty, funny girls, the Gilmore Girls. Which makes me think this morning about what makes someone pretty and funny and why they are so important. Then i was wondering where smart fits in with pretty and funny and then I realized that smart is the foundation of pretty and funny. When I was depressed, I used to hate pretty and funny people, now I can't get enough of them. Now, I adore pretty and funny. I am a broken record with the pretty and funny.
This morning, a little birdie reminded me of my favorite band, Belle and Sebastian and I realized that I haven't listened to them in like 6 months. Hello, Suki, please play Belle and Sebastian. Now I am trying to squeeze as much of B&S out of her as I can before she runs out of juice. I started with the EP, "I am waking up to Us" because I love that and it is only 3 songs, but 3 GREAT songs. Starting Sunday night, all the boys around me will be british and also the girls, too. Hopefully, I will find a cute cybercafe in London so that I can blog it all.
THis all reminds me of the conversation that Brian, Jeff and I had about a certain Scottish actor's private parts. A conversation which included the word "dong" repeated over and over and over again by me over breakfast in a gay steakhouse. I love my life.
Oh, dyed my hair AGAIN last night. It is now blue and green and pink, but much much darker. It looks a little like fish scales or the color that meat turns when it starts to go bad. maybe not. I used the electric blue this time rather than the blue haired freak since the blue haired freak is slightly pale. Anyway, my hands are all blue, like I am a mechanic fixing something with blue juice rather than black oil.
I am going to enjoy my Belle and Sebastian. Old friends. Pretty and funny, but also smart.
British girls have been serenading (sp?) me all morning. Heavenly and Helen Love and Comet Gain. It makes me wonder if Suki knows my travel plans. Then I realize that no, it is just her lovely shuffle songs mode. I take every corner like a dance floor. I know I tell you that all the time, but this morning, I really did. Lalalala. I am all velvety and pink today. My clothes, not my skin. Happiness surges through me and I realize that I love my walks to work best of all my time alive because it is exercise and feels so good. Blood pumping through my body. I wonder who I am and how I became this lovely girl. Perhaps I am possessed by some happy demon. A good witch or something.
I smile at everyone I pass and they look at me like I am insane because I am pink and they are grey. A woman with very fat ankles does not suffer my foolishness and I want to hug her to tell her she is pretty but could also be more pretty if she smiled. I think about how I love pretty so much than angry now. Pretty. Angry. I think about the words and how they sound the same, but mean the different. Pretty angry. Pretty. Angry. They tick tock in my head like a big old clock. I remember being angry. It makes me smile because it is such a distant memory. Mary Lou Lord coos to me now. She isn't british, but she is lovely and pretty. I never thought I would adore pretty, but I do so with exurberance. I never thought I would think of myself as pretty. But I do and it is like fireworks. Whatever that means.
second entry of the day:
brian imed me that he saw a guide dog at the airport, and that it was eating everyone's food. i copied his IM, but then lost it somehow... so this might not be what he wrote. i am picturing a seeing-eye dog, happily eating someone's cake or possibly some chicken nuggets. and everyone is happy and smiling because guide dogs seem so ignored. because you aren't supposed to pet them because they are at work. and i always worry that they have to pee. guide dogs are so helpful, but seem a little burdened, so the idea of them eating everyone's food is so marvelous. i want to throw a party for guide dogs.
someone is playing a saxophone outside and I can hear it up here on the 9th floor. It sounds like a funeral or a government song. maybe it is Taps or whatever. I don't know much about saxophone playing. Anyway, I want to have a party for guide dogs. They will dance and play ball and eat cake.
first entry of the day:
Something I have been saying lately...
Floss is the new lipstick. Well, it is true. I mean, I never wore lipstick, but it has totally been replaced by floss and if more women would replace their lipstick with floss, we would have cleaner gums. I just don't understand women who carry makeup with them. Well, I don't understand wearing it at all. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I must look really pale all the time and I wonder if women who wear makeup think there is something wrong with me. I have been wanting to know how it feels to be other people lately, how other people see themselves... and me I guess. I am not even thinking about specific people, just looking at people on the street, I think, I wonder what it feels like to be that person. How very Quantum Leap of me.
I have been going to sleep so early lately. Last night, 10pm, I was out. Night before, 9:30, no need to even count my sheep. Sleep sleep sleep. I wonder what is going on. If I was in high school, I would worry that I had Mono. Haha. Everyone was always getting Mono in high school, which is funny because I kissed very few people in high school, maybe like, 3. I don't remember kissing being a huge deal in high school. How did I start talking about kissing? Once we tried to curse a girl in our class so that she wouldn't get better grades than my friend and get to be the Valedictorian over her. The girl came down with Mono. She still ended up Valedictorian. The Mono couldn't bring her down. Dude, I was a total geek in high school.
What else? I just ate a snickers. I don't even like snickers. I ate it to stay awake, which is weird because I have been going to bed early like a grandma. Curse that damn snickers. I have to remember to drink water next time I am sleepy or chew gum, instead of eat empty calories. Ugh. My new walk to work is 1.37 miles, the old walk was slightly less than a mile. So... it looks like I have added almost an extra mile a day.
My legs are like melting ice blocks.
Today I am wearing my ancient Twin Peaks t-shirt. I bought this shirt in high school even before I got my first boyfriend. Haha. Are you sick of me telling you what I am wearing? Does it make me slightly boring? My mary janes are green and my socks are striped black and pink. Oh, there I go again. I am a silly monkey.
Tomorrow is my normal craft fair at the American Legion hall with my sister. I hear my niece has pink eye, I am wondering what that will do for sales? Free pink eye with every purchase! I will try to take some pictures. I think it is going to be slightly surreal since I have never been in an American Legion hall and have never done a normal craft fair. I am hoping to be pleasantly surprised. Either way, I will get to go to and pick up more tshirts on the way home so that I can finish the "We are so doomed" shirts. I think everyone will want one as part of their winter wardrobes.
Sunday is my Jeffrey's birthday. He will be 30! And I will finally get to give him his presents. We will spend the day waiting for our new HD TV to be delivered. How Jeff decided to spend the returned deposit from our old apartment. Amazing that we got anything much less so much back considering we didn't even clean the place.
I know I have more to write... but can't think of what it is right now. More later, my bunnies. Thanks for reading. I am glad you exist.
I love dreaming. I love the nonsense of it. Last night, I ran into an old friend in an art museum that was filled like a thrift store, all jumbled in piles. The art was my own and my friends' and then other things like smiles and regular things like shoes. Anyway, the old friend was Andy Smrz. Where are you Andy Smrz? Andy was talking nonstop because we hadn't seen each other in years and years and I was trying to keep up with him and the art at the same time. Then I told him the story of the time in college when we used to drive to school together, which I think was only a very short time. And one time he got the flu and I had to take care of him, which I am not even sure is true in the real world. Then Andy tried to record everything I was saying on this big platter of cotton candy. But the sound kept falling off because cotton candy isn't very sturdy. If you are reading this and know Andy Smrz, tell him I am dreaming of him and cotton candy.
This is the second time in a year that I have dreamed of Andy Smrz. The other time, he had all these tubes of paint. And there was something else about art. It was also Halloween in the dream and he was dressed as he was in high school. Like he was dressed up as a former self. More weird. I love dreaming. I do. I do. I do.
My feet are cold from wearing mary janes in the rain. Today I am wearing orange. Tonight I will silkscreen shirts that say, We are so Doomed, which I have already added to the store.
Sam in England sent me the nicest virtual hug and Pagan in New Zealand wrote to me about how birds would make good surfers. The world is full of lovely girls.
Great Smallening Update
I am now at 69 pounds gone. My neck is getting soooo tiny and delicate. I fear it might snap. My ankles are aliens to me. And can I tell you again how cold I am? No new pictures yet, I will wait until i can say 75 pounds gone.
My election party was not party party fun fun. I had to keep telling Jeff and Brian to turn their frowns upside down. No one wanted to finish their cake because it was too rich and we were too low. The electorial maps were fun for a while, but then got frustrating. At one point, Jeff took sleepy sinus meds so that he would just fall asleep.
By the end of the evening I was exhausted. I slept soundly. And NPR couldn't even tell me who won this morning while gentlely pulling me from sleep.
I am not angry today, though. This could be the beginning of a new life for us all. No longer do we have to believe in America. There is no reason to live here. I have never been a patriot. I don't understand why some people love this country. I hate the pledge to the flag. But now, I have a reason. I can't imagine living in a world where half of my countrymen would vote for Bush.
So Hello World.
Jeff and I argued in front of his work this morning about which countries are on the table for immigration. He wants Japan off the table. I want Canada off the table. But, really, I want the world on the table. Give me the world. I am not saying this with anger. I am saying this with hope. This election could change the course of my life. It could give me the freedom to consider not living here anymore. Of course, it could take time, years even, to plan to become a citizen of another country, but you know what? Watching these people vote for Bush has made me realize that I don't need America. I don't want to live among the religious right or anyone who thinks that God is more important than themselves. Or anyone who cares more for the unborn than the 5 years olds who need health care.
We talked a lot last night about what the Democrats will have to give up to take the country back. Abortion rights?, gay marriage?, blah blah. But you know what? Who cares. I don't need the Democrats. I don't need America. The world is full of other places where decent people live and take care of one another. The world is full of other places where birds fly and seasons change and people smile and cry and have babies and sing and dance. The world exists for me right now, more real than ever. This is not the rant of a sore loser, because I never cared for John Kerry. This is the rant of someone who is sick of seeing stupid people make terrible decisions based on nothing but fear.
So, hello world. I am happy to meet you.
An Indian man from Califorina (only know these things because he told me) stopped me literally in the middle of the street to ask me who was going to win the election. I said, Kerry, but it is just wishful thinking. I have no data. We talked a bit about what he thought and he told me about the 33 different possible outcomes of the electoral college because he has a background in statistics and it looks like Bush has more of a chance to win. He seemed to be for Kerry though because he said something negative about the Bible Belt. haha. Then he asked me what I do, all of this conversation happening in the street and he was just another person not a pollster or anything. I said I am a web developer. He said, really? How old are you? And I said, 31. He said, no way! I thought I was getting the early 20s opinion by asking you. There is no way you are 31, i thought maybe 22! We laughed and said good day.
How come this happens to me so often? I wonder if I have a super power that makes people think I am 22. And if so, how can I use this power for good? This literally happens to me like once a week. Last week, my dad's nurse at the hospital asked him if having a teenager was driving him crazy. He looked at her like she was insane... He said, you mean my daughter here? She said yes, to which I whispered, I'm 31. This isn't a bad thing of course.... it is just strange and makes me wonder if I am witch.
So, I loved this conversation with this strange californian indian man. He was nice and loves democracy.
Good morning scale. 68 pounds gone.
The weekend was cranky with both Jeff and I having allergies and then forgeting to eat and then getting more cranky.
We met Brian at the new Gallery Place movie theater to see The Grudge, which was scary, but a crap movie. The three of us kept bracing for the next scare. We all talked alittle during the movie, which made it fun. Usually a no no, but this one needed it.
If I would have made this movie, I would have waited until like the last act and then turned the Sarah Michelle Gellar character into who we are all thinking she is: Buffy. ANd then Buffy would have called Giles and kicked that ghost's ass. Memo to SMG: you can't be anyone other than Buffy. Sorry. It is too late. Embrace it. Be Buffy.
I am working on some new art pieces, this time for real. They are spread out on the living room floor and Jeff keeps checking for glue or paint in the carpet. I have been a good girl about that so far, though. They might be added to the store tomorrow.
I dreamt the other night that I was flying over the ocean. Perhaps this is about my trip to London. But I am afraid of underwater, so I kept worrying I would dip into the water. I wish I knew what this stupid fear came from. I hate fear. It is the most useless thing. But there is this place past fear that I talk about alot, that I totally love. I love the thing just beyond fear. Next time you are afraid, try to get past it and let me know what you find.
My research into Kindergarten teacher-hood has had mixed results. People who I talk to either say it is the best thing in the world, or the worst thing in the world. Ugh, more research.
Special shout out to Ashley and Jessica for their recent amazing emails that made me happy cry. Lovely. If I haven't written you back, yet, know that I am about to. It is amazing how giving some people can be. Thank you.
Today's colors are orange and blue. Two oranges and two blues. I look like a candy wrapper.
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